


Why do I have to Feel Like This?

by Samrose1994



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Angsty Cyrus, Bullying, Child Abuse, Coming Out, Costume Day (Andi Mack), Cute Cyrus Goodman/T. J. Kippen, First Kiss, Gay Disaster Cyrus Goodman, Gay Disaster T. J. Kippen, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, M/M, Post-Costume Day (Andi Mack), Sad Cyrus Goodman, Suicidal Thoughts, hurt tj
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-04
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-02-23 20:41:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 30,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18709603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Samrose1994/pseuds/Samrose1994
Summary: Cyrus tries to sort through his thoughts and emotions post- Costume Day. Cyrus and TJ navigate through repercussions of the events that day





	1. Hypocrite

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfiction so I hope you like it. Thanks for checking it out.

Cyrus always tried to be rational. Yea, he could be anxious at times but he always had been pretty well adjusted, being able to work through his feelings and helping others do the same. But today, actually more accurately, this past week, he has not felt very rational at all. That’s how he ended up sitting alone on the benches facing the basketball court in the park. It was here that he had met TJ just before planning to do somersault together for costume day. He wishes that knew then that TJ would let him down less than 48 hours later.

 

He wasn’t even sure if he was allowed to be here, as it was close to midnight. He, Cyrus Goodman, the same boy who would usually be terrified of breaking his parent’s rules, had snuck out of his dad and stepmom’s house and made his way to the park. I guess, even now, TJ had a way of making him more daring, more willing to break the rules; dance with danger, even if the motivation was not the same as before. Before, Cyrus had felt brave because TJ was with him. No one or no thing could touch him as long as TJ was there by his side. Now TJ was once again his motivation to do something he wouldn’t of before, but more as a way of escape.

 

Cyrus had been cooped up all weekend in his room. It was Sunday night and the weight of his thoughts were restricting him, making him feel claustrophobic. His room felt like it was pressurized, ready to collapse around him at any moment. He tried to ignore his thoughts but just couldn’t. So when he heard his parents go to bed, he slipped out the backdoor and headed down to the park. The small town was eerily quiet, give or take the miscellaneous car driving by.

 

As he approached the entrance of the park, he contemplated heading towards the swings, but decided against it. The swings had become a happy place for Cyrus, where he could come to feel better. He doubted that it would have the same effect now. So he settled on the benches by the basketball court. It was the perfect place to let his thoughts run wild. It helped keep him angry, helped to remind him that TJ let him down. He wanted to be angry because if not, he knew he would give in and run back to TJ. He would let the boy convince him that they could be friends again. But Cyrus did not want to be friends again. He doesn’t think his heart can handle it.

 

They  _ were _ only friends and Cyrus had accepted that his crush would be unrequited. People have crushes on their friends all the time and honestly, how many of those work out? He was happy just being friends because it wouldn’t be fair to push his feelings on the other boy. But lately he had started to notice little hints of maybe something more from TJ. He wasn’t blind, he noticed when TJ would smile at him like he was the only one that mattered. He noticed when they would walk so close together that their hands brushed. He saw how happy he was for his friend when he finally did a somersault. And of course, he noticed the look on TJ’s face when he said “You’re the only person I can talk to like this.” His stomach filled with butterflies when he looked up at the taller boy that day. But now looking back, he realizes that he read way to into things.

 

Honestly, he doesn’t even know why he was so upset. It is not like he didn’t almost do the same thing. Andi had been relying on him to be in her costume. In fact is it weren’t for TJ ditching him to do a costume with Kira, he would of readily dashed Andi’s Mount Rushmore dreams. Jonah had backed out last minute, and though he would have felt bad, Cyrus would have let her costume go to waste. He would have abandoned one of his best friends so he could be the salt to TJ’s summer. So wasn’t he as bad as TJ? Does he have the right to  _ want _ to be angry? Does he have the right to feel hurt?

 

After all, Andi was able to forgive him when he reached out to her. She knew that he almost ditched her for TJ. He technically never even texted her. But she had been so understanding and kind to him when he talked to her about it. She was a little annoyed at first, but she knew how much Cyrus  _ liked  _ TJ. She remembered last year, when she went out of her way to be around Jonah when she had a crush on him, sometimes even making a fool out of herself. So she understood what Cyrus was feeling about TJ. The two friends were able to fix things. Why couldn’t he do that with TJ? Maybe TJ would be able to explain and they could fix things too. Was it fair to block him out like this? Was he a hypocrite?

 

Objectively he knew he should give TJ a chance, maybe he should text him back. Things _can_ be fixed. He just did not want to fix them though. He had decided that. But why then was he staring at the blank screen of his phone trying not to cry. He turned it off when he left the house.  He had to, or he knew he would find himself staring at the texts the other boy had sent though out the week.

 

_ Cyrus I’m sorry for not texting or calling about the costume change. _

 

_ Are we cool? _

 

_ Come on, please respond. _

 

_ Let me explain please. _

 

_ Cyrus, please...I’m worried about you. _

 

_ Please... _

 

_ At least let me know you are okay. _

 

_ You have been avoiding me at school all week. Come on Underdog, you haven’t even ate lunch with your friends, like idk where you are eating at but its not in the cafeteria. Are you really that mad at me that we can even be in the same room? _

 

_ Do you hate me? _

 

It was that last text that almost broke Cyrus. He had gotten it about an hour before he snuck out. He knew that if kept focusing on his phone that he would reply despite himself. No, he didn't hate TJ. He could never hate TJ. Part of him felt terrible that TJ felt that way.

 

TJ obviously liked Kira in the same way that Cyrus liked TJ. And why shouldn't he? She was a pretty girl who ALSO was great at basketball. She was perfect for him. Cyrus almost ditched  _ his _ best friend to do a costume with his crush, so why did it matter that TJ did the same? He really should feel good for his friend but he doesn’t.

 

These are the thoughts that have filling his head almost constantly the past few days. He knows he wants to stay mad but another part of him wants to forgive TJ. But he just can’t! Maybe it is because he knows in his heart that this actually isn’t the same as with Andi. With Andi, he at least talked to Buffy, who found him a replacement. He did not know Jonah was going to pull out last minute, but at least Cyrus had a replacement. He had been so excited to do the costume with TJ. He knew his friends would understand. Somersault was their thing and his friends knew it. He was genuinely happy at the thought of spending the day the day at TJ’s side, sharing their inside joke. They would be in their own special world made for only them to exist in together.

 

He keeps replaying that conversation from that day at the park. He keeps picturing the look on TJ’s face when he told Cyrus about his costume idea. He literally was smiling ear to ear. Cyrus doesn’t remember ever seeing a smile so beautiful in his life. In that moment, it felt like he was the only thing that mattered to TJ. Which if he is being honest, felt nice. TJ seemed as excited as Cyrus to do their group costume.

 

As Cyrus thought more about it, he realized that was why he was the most upset. TJ led him to believe he wanted to do this together. He got his hopes up, just to dash them. What he couldn’t figure out though, is why TJ looked so unhappy when he showed up with Kira. Did he truly just feel bad for letting his friend down so he could do a costume he liked more? Cyrus figured maybe he was just ashamed that he would rather do a costume with Kira, the girl he knew didn’t like Buffy, and by extension any of her friends, then with Cyrus.

 

An hour passed as he sat and ran through his thoughts. He kept replaying his interactions with TJ. He kept thinking about how good being with TJ used to make him feel. He kept beating himself up about falling for another straight guy. His thoughts seem to fill the air and make everything around him feel heavier. Suddenly a voice broke through the deafening silence and pulled Cyrus from his thoughts.

 

“Cyrus!”

 

The voice was close and familiar. It was TJ. He was coming up behind him. What was he doing at the park in the middle of the night? Cyrus felt his head spinning. He could not face TJ right now. He did not want to look at those beautiful green eyes that could make him melt. He stood up, slipped his phone in his pocket, and tried to get away from the benches. TJ called out again.

 

“Cyrus, wait. Please…please don’t go.”

 

His voice sounded so desperate. It sounded broken and hurt. Cyrus has never heard TJ sound so desperate. It broke his heart all over again to hear him like that. He couldn’t control his body as he froze in place. He felt a warm tear roll down his cheek. He let the other boy make his way in front of him. Cyrus stared at his feet as TJ stood in front of him. He did not want TJ to see him crying but could not find the strength to move away from him. TJ’s voice was broken as he spoke, Cyrus had not been the only one crying tonight.

 

“What are you doing out here so late?”

 

Cyrus quietly replied “I can ask you the same thing…”

 

“I was…looking for you. Your dad called. He said you weren’t in your room and wanted to know if you were with me. He called Buffy, Jonah, Andi, and my sister, too. Your parents are really worried about you…you weren’t even answering your phone.”

 

Cyrus guiltily thought about his turned off phone in his pocket. He didn’t think his parents would have noticed him gone. He felt bad for making them worry. But why was TJ here? Surely his parents didn’t ask a bunch of kids to go look for him in the middle of the night. He was pretty sure all four of his parents were driving around looking for him. He keeps staring at the ground as he tries to will himself not to cry in front of the other boy.

 

“That still doesn’t explain why  _ you  _ are here…”

 

“I was worried about you…so I kind of snuck out to look for you too. Amber is covering for me. Don’t worry, I did not tell your parents where I thought you may be. I figured I would check the park since you usually go to the swings. When I did not see you there, I started looked around and found you here.”

 

“You did not have to that, as you can see I’m fine. No need to worry, you can go home.”

 

“You don’t look fine…” TJ quietly noted. His voice was sad, tinged with hints of guilt as he spoke. “I’ve been so worried about you, you have been avoiding me at school, you haven’t been to the swings since last Friday, and you’ve ignored all my texts and calls…”

 

With that every wall holding Cyrus together began to crumble. He looks up at TJ with a mix of anger and hurt in his eyes. Tears left streaks down his face as he let lose everything he has been feeling. TJ’s words triggered something inside him. Cyrus never screams in anger but tonight that was going to change.

 

“You didn’t seem that worried about me on costume day! Do you know how humiliated I felt?! Did you care about how bad I felt walking around knowing that someone who was supposed to be one of my closest friends stood me up without even a call or text?! I bet you didn’t!” Cyrus’ words came out like venom. “You know, I don’t care if you have a crush on Kira and wanted to do a costume with her when she offered, even if it was a  **stupid** costume. Double dribble? Really? But that’s not the point. You can do whatever you want. But a text would have been nice. I would have understood. But you didn’t bother because you don’t really care about me.”

 

Cyrus’ harsh words cut the other boy deep. When he looked at TJ's face, Cyrus suddenly regretted his outburst. Even though TJ hurt him, he never wanted to hurt TJ. He tries to speak but the words that so easily flew from his mouth moments ago were not caught in his throat. Cyrus swears he saw a tear form in TJ’s sad eyes, but it was almost as quickly wiped away. For the first time he noticed that TJ’s hair didn’t have the usual gel in it so strands of hair fell over his forehead. Cyrus couldn’t help thinking that he looked even more beautiful like that. The two boys stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity. The air was heavier than ever. It was TJ who finally broke the silence. His voice was uncertain as he said

 

“Do you really think I don’t care about you…because that is just not true. I care about you more than you can possibly know…”

 

Cyrus’s voice was just as shaky as he replied “Then why didn’t you tell me you wanted to do a costume with Kira?”

 

TJ broke eye contact and he looked to the ground. “I didn’t want to do a costume with her…I had to…”

 

“TJ, wait what do you mean? TJ, look me…” The taller boy moves his eyes up from the dark slab of concrete to meet Cyrus’ eyes. “TJ, what do you mean you had to?” Like a reflex, Cyrus reaches across to put his hand on TJ’s forearm as it hangs down to the side. He can hear TJ’s breathe catch in his throat like he was touched by fire. The older boy starts to speak.

 

“She got into my head, you know? I told her twice that I was good with our costume, and that I did not want to do a costume with her. But then she made it seem weird that I would rather do a costume with you rather than her.”

 

“Why would it be weird? You just met her and we're friends.” Cyrus isn’t getting it. He scrunches his eyebrows together as he continues to stare. 

 

“She made it seem like it was  _ weird  _ to do a two person costume with another boy….instead of a girl, you know what I mean.”

 

Cyrus pulls hand back from TJ’s arm. He suddenly is self conscious of his own body movements. He does not want to make TJ feel uncomfortable. “Oh...I get it.”

 

TJ tries to not let it show that he already misses the feeling of Cyrus’ hand on his arm. He instinctively moves his other hand to the spot on his forearm where Cyrus has just left vacant. 

 

Meanwhile, Cyrus ignores his own disappointment that TJ is definitely not gay. He was just another straight boy worried about looking like he was queer. He continues to speak. His voice is soft and understanding. “I’m sorry she made you feel like that.  But TJ, if you know it is not true, then it does not matter what she says.” Cyrus gives a soft smile. “Besides you are the captain of the basketball team, you are so popular. Who would actually read into the costume like she did. She is just trying to be hurtful…”

 

“Cyrus, you don’t understand. Kira ...she is right...I… I do like guys in the way I am supposed to like girls. I got scared, so scared that she knew, and that everyone would know if we did a costume together. Everyone would figure out what is wrong with me and then what if they started making up rumors about you too. Like it is one thing for people to make fun of me, but I don’t think I could handle them hurting you. But now I’m the one that hurt you. I’m so sorry for hurting you. I’m so sorry for being this way. ” His voice sounded weak, it was full of shame and guilt. It almost sounded alien He was rambling and now the tears could not be stopped. This was a boy who was so afraid and hurting.

 

Without thinking, Cyrus reached up and wiped away a tear from TJ’s face. He lets his hand linger momentarily against TJ’s cheek as he steps closer. He was waiting for TJ to pull away from his touch but he doesn’t. When he finally drops his hand, and stares into TJ’s green eyes that look almost glassy from the crying. He is still the most beautiful thing Cyrus has ever laid eyes on. TJ just came out to him.  It is killing him to know that TJ was dealing with all this alone. He hates that he thinks something is wrong with him, he wants TJ to know he is not alone. He knows what he has to do. He takes a deep breathe.

 

“Teej, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. I told you that before, and I will tell you a million times over if I have to. No one has the right to make you feel bad for who you are. Also no one, except you, can decide when it is the right time to come out. Kira does not get to decide when you come out. Just like…” Cyrus pauses, there will be no going back after this.”Just like only I get to decide when I come out.”

 

This catches TJ off guard, he stares in shock as Cyrus gives him a weak smile. “Wait, are you gay too?” Cyrus only nods his head in response. His face is bright red from blushing. Both boys stand in silence for a moment, not knowing how to proceed. Cyrus makes the first move. He steps even closer to TJ, their bodies impossibly close without actually touching.

 

“TJ, I also...I also have big crush on a boy…” Cyrus’ face is trying to show confidence but his stomach feels like it is doing twists and turns as his nerves are fighting to get to him. His nervous voice gives him away.

 

“Oh…” Tj looks down for a brief second to look at Cyrus’ lips before staring back into his big brown eyes. “Do...do I know this person?” From the sounds of it, TJ is as equally as nervous. He can feel his heart pounding out of his chest, mirroring Cyrus’.

 

“Yeah, you know him. He is tall, with the most gorgeous green eyes. He gets little freckles in the sun. When he doesn’t put gel in his hair, he has the cutest little curl of hair that falls on his forehead. He is great at basketball, and honestly any sport he tries. He makes me feel brave when I want to run and forces me to step out of my comfort zone. And god, every time he talks I want to hold onto every word he says like it is gold. I’ve never met anyone like him and the weirdest part is that he wants to hang out with me.

 

“That's not weird. Who wouldn’t want to hang out with you? You can light up any room you walk into with a single smile.   _ This guy  _ you like is so lucky to have you in his life. He knows that he would not be the same without you.”

 

With that, Cyrus got a burst of confidence to do something crazy. He cups TJ’s cheek. Their faces are only a few inches apart. Electricity fills the air between them as they stare directly into each others eyes before Cyrus takes a giant leap of faith. He closes his eyes as he closes the gap between their lips. As his lips brush against TJ’s, the world stops around them. Only they exist in this moment. Cyrus pulls back slightly to make sure this is okay. TJ answers the unspoken question by cupping the back of Cyrus’ head and pulls him for a deeper kiss.

 

When they finally break away from each other, TJ can’t help but stare like a lovestruck dummy. He could not believe that just happened. Cyrus Goodman kissed him and he kissed Cyrus back. He remembers how soft Cyrus’ lips were, how they seemed to fit perfectly against his. More importantly though, Cyrus liked him the same way he likes Cyrus. The only thing he manages to get out of his mouth was “ I like you, a lot.”

 

Cyrus lets out a soft laugh and he reaches for TJ’s hand. “I hope so...because I like you too. So wanna be my boyfriend?”

 

“Of course I do, Underdog.” TJ gives him the biggest smile, he was practically glowing. “Just...I’m not ready to come out yet at school or to my parents, is that okay?”

 

“Honestly, I’m not ready, either. We don’t need others to know that we are together, for us to know that we care for each other. It is our secret for now.” Cyrus smiles. “Now we should be getting back to our houses. I know my parents are worried and I don’t want you to get in trouble with your’s.” 

 

Soon after that, they make their way to the park entrance. Before they part ways, Cyrus leans up and kisses the side of TJ’s face. TJ blushes as Cyrus begins to walk away.

 

“Night, TJ”

 

“Night Underdog” TJ replies while holding the place on his cheek where Cyrus’ lips just touched. He thinks he is going to like being Cyrus’ boyfriend.


	2. First Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TJ reflects on their first month together and takes Cyrus on their first date. Cyrus learns something new about TJ.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really like the idea of switching things up, and letting Cyrus be brave for TJ. I hope y'all like this chapter.

_ Cyrus Goodman had asked TJ Kippen to be his boyfriend one month ago today _ . 

 

TJ still could not believe it. Cyrus was everything he has ever wanted. He was sweet, smart, cute, and he cared for TJ in a way no one has before. But TJ would be lying if he said this month hasn’t been an emotional trip. On one hand, things with Cyrus have never been better. In public, it seemed like their "friendship" was just as strong as it has always been. The only difference being that both boys seemed more aware of their own bodies. 

 

They were more self conscious of all the little touches that come so natural for them. They would notice their arms swinging too close together, their hands lingering a little too long when they would touch, and even their eyes staring at the other boy. This used to seem so normal for them, but now that they were dating, it became almost scary to do these things. Both of them were not ready to come out. The only people that knew Cyrus was gay were Andi, Jonah, Buffy, and obviously, TJ. For TJ it was even less, as the only people that knew were Cyrus and TJ’s older sister, Amber. And absolutely  _ nobody _ knew that they were dating.

 

After what Kira started, neither one of them wanted to accidentally out each other by acting like more than friends. That’s why their little touches and lingering eyes became such an issue. Kira could obviously tell how the boys felt about each other within moments of hearing them interact with one another. What if others could tell too?  They decided that the best thing they could do to keep their secret was to place boundaries between them when they are with other people. 

 

On top of this, Kira is also not letting up on TJ. She is constantly trying to get into TJ’s head. The coach told her that since there is girl’s team, she cannot be on the boy’s team. So now instead of putting her energy towards getting on the team, she is focusing all her time on tormenting him. She will wait for him to be alone and remind him that he is different. She will sometimes bring up how weird it is that he and Cyrus are so close. She would do little things to hurt him. Anything she does in front of others is so subtle, that others don't notice. For example she brings up cute girls while talking to him around other students, and puts him in awkward situations. For a random onlooker, it would look like small talk, but TJ knows she is doing it to get a rise out of him. He doesn't know why she enjoys making him feel bad. The one upside is that Kira has no proof that he and Cyrus are together, so for now at least, his bullying is private. TJ prefers that to the whole school knowing.

 

He doesn't tell Cyrus that Kira is still bothering him either. TJ does not want  him to worry. Besides Cyrus had his own things to deal with. For one, since they haven't told the GHC(+Jonah), that they are dating, they could not really explain what led to them being friends again. He could feel their glares whenever he would hangout. Part of him gets it though. To them, he was a jerk who keeps letting down their best friend. But nevertheless, Cyrus is now stuck in the middle. He has to keep their secret while defending TJ. Cyrus wanted his boyfriend to be able to hangout with his friends without them hating him, even if they did not know that they are dating. TJ kind of felt guilty for putting Cyrus in this situation in the first place by ever giving them a reason to be mad.

 

Despite all of this trouble, TJ would not trade this past month for anything. No matter what was happening with other people, when they were alone, it made it all worth it. Sometimes they would escape to the swings, and just spend hours talking, and if they were sure no one was watching, they would steal gentle kisses. Sometimes, they would take over TJ's apartment when both his parents and sister were at work. They would cuddle on the futon in the living room and binge TV shows together. It really didn't matter where they were, as long as they were alone together, it was like they were the only people who existed.

 

Cyrus really did make him the happiest he has ever been. His beautiful, dorky boyfriend always knew the right thing to say to make him feel like he really mattered. That is why today, on their one month anniversary, he wants to make Cyrus as happy as Cyrus makes him feel everyday. It is a Saturday but he put the first part of his plan into action the day prior.

 

************

Yesterday had been a particularly hard day for him. Kira was in his math class. Usually she ignored him and waited until after to torment him but that day she started at him early. She had sat behind him. They were assigned some in class problems to do. She was pretty good at math and wanted him to feel even worse. Whenever she noticed he was struggling, she would say stuff like “Only an idiot could mess up this problem” and “Wow these are so easy!” She would only say it loud enough for him to hear.He had been working so hard in math and she was able to dash any confidence he may have felt about being able to do a problem. He ended up losing his temper, crumbling up his paper, and turning in nothing. He could not even look at Coleman as he left.

 

He had walked home with Cyrus, Buffy, Andi, Marty, and Jonah. Cyrus’ friends didn’t help his mood, but to not worry Cyrus, he pretended to be oblivious.  He could tell the others did not want him there but Cyrus kept smiling at him with his big brown eyes glowing, so he could ignore the annoyed looks. Eventually everyone broke off heading to their respective homes, leaving him to walk with Cyrus the rest of the way to Cyrus’ stepmom’s house. As they stepped onto the porch, TJ nervously smiled. 

 

“What is it, Teej? “ Cyrus said as he swung his hand up gently to take TJ’s as they stood across from each other. Both boys instinctively looked around to make sure no one was watching.

 

“Nothing, Muffin.” He noted the way Cyrus still blushed when he called him that. He liked that he had that effect on the guy that he cared so much for. “I am so happy whenever I am around you.So…” He let his words han in the air for a moment. ‘I was wondering if you would go on a date with me, tomorrow?”

 

“Like a real date?” Cyrus furrowed his brow in a way that makes TJ swoon every time. Cyrus’ voice though was unsure as he continued. “Aren’t dates out in the public? What if someone sees us?”

 

“Don’t worry, I have that covered, just be at the bus stop on Main Street at 9am tomorrow, “ TJ saw the look of curiosity in Cyrus eyes as they've stared at each other. “It is going to be a surprise, I know you are going to love it.”

 

Cyrus smiled and nodded. “Alright I trust you. I have to head in. See you tomorrow?”

 

“Yea, tomorrow." TJ grinned like an idiot, before placing a light kiss on top of Cyrus’ head, and turning to walk away.

 

************

The big city nearest to them was about a 30 minute bus ride from Shadyside. That is why TJ asked Cyrus to meet him here at the bus stop.  Cyrus had gotten there at 9am sharp, to find TJ waiting on the bench. He took a seat next to his boyfriend, careful not to sit too close in case someone was watching. TJ turned his head and smiled at the other boy.

 

"Hey Underdog," He lowers his voice. "Happy one month of officially being us."

 

Cyrus liked the way that TJ remembered something as small as a one month anniversary. He loved that TJ wanted to make today special for him. He whispers "Happy Anniversary Not-So-Scary Basketball Guy."

 

Both boys sat in a comfortable silence as they waited for the bus. TJ knew Cyrus wanted to ask where they were going but both boys knew TJ wasn’t going to budge. All he wanted to do was surprise Cyrus with the best date ever. When the bus pulled up to the stop, both boys got on with TJ paying both their fares. He had saved all his money from the gym(he only worked 12 hours a week) the past month to pay for this date. Cyrus was usually picking up the tab because he knew the Kippen family wasn’t nearly as well off as him. But today TJ wanted to handle everything.

 

As they took their seats in the back, TJ slid into the window seat. He looked out the window and noticed clouds overtaking the sun. _ Great, rain _ . He thought sarcastically. He thought about what else may come if it storms. He was a little nervous, but brushed it off. He turned to Cyrus, who was smiling obliviously, and said "There goes that sunny day."

 

"It is okay, as long as I am with you, it doesn't matter. Today will be great." With that, TJ melted. Cyrus always knew what to say to make him feel better.

 

************

When they got out the city, it was still so cloudy. It looked like it would storm any moment. TJ pleads with the weather quietly to hold off until they get to where they are going. The bus stop is a block away from where are heading. No one knows them here and TJ is excited to actually go on a real date with Cyrus. He smiles at the shorter boy as they step off the bus. As they stand on the crowded sidewalk, TJ takes Cyrus' hand. He stares for a moment to make sure it is okay. When Cyrus does not pull away, TJ takes that as a hint to start walking. Both boys felt a little braver out here where no one knew them.

 

TJ pulls Cyrus down the street, weaving in and around people coming towards them. As they get closer to the mystery place, TJ gets more excited, and by the look on Cyrus' face, he feels the same. After a few minutes, the place comes into view. TJ stops at the bottom of a large set of steps. Cyrus' eyes grow large as he looks up at the building before them; The Natural History Museum.

 

Teej! Really?! I love this place. I haven't been here in years." His eyes light up as he gets more excited. "You are amazing."

 

"I'm glad you are happy. I figured you could show me all your favorite dinosaurs." TJ smiles softly. "Let's go." TJ pulls him up the stairs. He pulls the tickets out of pocket and hands them to the man near the door.

 

As they enter the museum, they are immediately surrounded by large skeletons of animals that long been dead. TJ doesn't think he has ever seen Cyrus look so excited. He begins to talk about all the different types of dinosaurs, and the time periods, and everything else that at one point TJ wouldn't of cared about. He is pretty sure Cyrus could make him care about anything.

 

They wander around the museum for about an hour. Rain had steadily started hitting the rooftop,  the small droplets working together to echo through the museum. It was raining pretty heavy now, and TJ silently began to get nervous again of what will come next. Cyrus noticed the tension in TJ's face and stopped talking about the Allosaurus skeleton they were staring at.

 

"What is it?" He said quietly to the slightly older boy.

 

"Nothing..." He lies. Right as the word leaves his mouth, a loud burst of thunder sounds, shaking the museum. TJ instinctively clenches his eyes shut and squeezes Cyrus' hand harder than intended. His cheeks turn red as he notices Cyrus staring.

 

"I'm sorry..." he whispers, almost too quiet to hear. TJ looks away while still holding Cyrus' hand. Another burst of thunder sounds, making TJ tense again.

 

"Teej" Cyrus reaches up to his face to get him to turn his head. When he sees TJ's eyes, he recognize fear in his beautiful green eyes. He hates to see his boyfriend afraid. "Are you afraid of thunder?"

 

TJ looks embarrassed. He can't bring his mouth to form the words he wants to say. He knows Cyrus won’t judge him for something like this. But he is not used to being the one with irrational fears. He wishes he wouldn’t wince every time the thunder boomed. He can’t help it. He has been afraid of thunder for as long as he can remember. He doesn't know what about it makes him feel so helpless. Most of the time, he finds himself hiding under his covers with his eyes shut, waiting for the storm to end. But he can’t do that now. All he can do is try and put on a brave face and ride it out.

 

Cyrus interrupts his thoughts. “It's okay to be afraid, you know?” His voice is soft and understanding. “I’m afraid of a whole lot of things. Remember the flamingos? That is way weirder” He laughs trying to cheer TJ up. TJ wishes Cyrus wouldn’t put himself down, though. This day was supposed to be all about Cyrus, but here he was trying to make TJ feel better. TJ felt a little bad about that but could not focus on that very long.

 

The thunder hits again, this time even louder. The storm must be pretty bad. TJ wishes he could disappear so Cyrus wouldn't see him like this. He was supposed to be the cool, fearless jock but right now he felt like a wimp. He wanted to always be brave in front of his boyfriend. Cyrus doesn't seem to care though. He is only concerned with being there for TJ.

 

Cyrus runs his thumb soothingly over the TJ's strained knuckles. He whispers "I have an idea…", before pulling TJ to a little bench off to side of one of the large skeletons. He pulls out a pair of earbuds from his pocket and plugs them into the jack in his phone. Cyrus flips through his Spotify with his free hand as TJ sits apprehensively by his side, squeezing his hand with every boom from outside. Cyrus settles on a playlist called ["Songs That Make Me Think of TJ"](https://open.spotify.com/user/122786515/playlist/0SyRAV8Uf1nbxO9Fp9nLnk?si=EY5bGoj4TKmF04q2rrlk6w) _._  TJ sees the name, and for a moment he smiles, before the thunder outside reminded him of its presence. 

 

"Put these on, sweetie." Cyrus says quietly, careful not to draw attention to them. He would hate to embarrass TJ. He knows the other boy is feeling self-conscious about his fear. TJ takes the earbuds and puts them in his ears. TJ trusts Cyrus more than anyone in the world, so he will do whatever Cyrus says. With that, Cyrus hits play and turns the volume all the way up. He takes his other arm out of TJ’s hand and wraps it instead around TJ's waist pulling him close to him, and holding tight like he will never let go.

 

The loud, bubbly music blocks out  a lot of the noise from the thunder. Cyrus’ arm wrapped around him, pulling him impossibly close, gives him something else to think about.They sit their for a while. Though the museum is full of people, it feels like they are alone there. His heartbeat is still crazy fast, but the reason is much different now.It was no longer pounding because of fear. Instead it is fluttering from the nerves he feels because of Cyrus. He feels so lucky to have him in his life. He blushes as he listens to the songs that he know Cyrus picked out for him. 

 

What he doesn’t notice, is how happy Cyrus seems to be because of him. Cyrus is just staring at  him, smiling as he holds the taller boy against him. Cyrus hopes that TJ knows that this relationship is not one sided. TJ truly makes him happy. That’s why he was so worried when TJ was scared. He never wants fear to cloud over those soft, green eyes. He will personally fight away any fear for his boyfriend.

 

After about forty minutes, the storm has seemed to pass. TJ had taken to leaning his head against Cyrus’ shoulder, even if some slouching was involved to get into that position. Cyrus almost hates to end this but know TJ has other plans for them. He softly shakes TJ o get his attention. The boy takes out the earbuds and sits up. Cyrus grins and says “The storm is over, how are you feeling?”

 

“Much better…” He blushes and looks at the ground. “Thank you...for..um...making me feel safe.” TJ internally rolls his eyes at his own words. Why did he say that out loud. He sounded so weak.

 

“No need to thank me. What are boyfriends for, right?”  Cyrus’ smile could light up the entire room. 

 

“Right.” TJ really can’t understand how Cyrus manages to make him feel so great, even when he wants to feel bad about himself. He thought about telling Cyrus about what was going on at school. He decided against it though. He already made too much of this date about himself. He stands up, and grabs Cyrus hand again. “Let’s get back to these dinosaurs. There are so many you still have not told me about.” 

 

************

After spending a few more hours at the museum, the boys headed to a restaurant around the corner and had lunch. They strolled through the city for a bit before realizing it was close to 5 and that they should be at least heading back to their town. On the bus ride back, Cyrus rested his head on TJ’s shoulder. Usually Cyrus would be worried about this but today he was feeling a little braver than usual.

 

TJ walked Cyrus home after they got off the bus. Cyrus’ street seemed vacant when they turned onto it, so they risked locking their pinkies together as they walked. TJ felt like he was on top of the world. Even with the thunder earlier, today had felt like the perfect day. He kept shooting glances over at Cyrus, taking in every detail. He memorized the way Cyrus looked right now with the late day sun shining through the trees onto him. He almost looked angelic, like he was too good to be a mere human. 

 

Without thinking, TJ stops and cups Cyrus’ cheek, making it so they are staring at each other. He just needed to get a better look. TJ surveyed every part of the shorter boy’s face. It was like everytime he looks, he finds something else to love about it. He felt like the brown eyes staring back at him could peer into his very soul. The boys stay frozen in this stance until they hear a soft rustle of some bushes. They both immediately retract from each other, and look around. Neither of them see anyone, but they keep their distance the rest of the walk home, just in case. TJ silently beats himself up for slipping like that. He can’t be so careless.

 

As they step up onto Cyrus’ front porch, they can finally breathe again. They are covered by a large tree in his front yard that blocks parts of the porch. “Thank you for a wonderful time today, Teej.” Cyrus smiles.

 

“I should be thanking you, You really came through for me today.” TJ used this as opportunity to show Cyrus how thankful he really was. He leans in and brushes his lips against Cyrus, waiting for permission to deepen the kiss. Cyrus responds by pulling him closer, pushing their lips together more. They eventually had to come up for air, and pulled apart.

 

“Wow, I don’t think I am ever going to stop being nervous when you do that.” Cyrus said blissfully. 

 

“Right back at you, Underdog.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think! Let me know if you have any ideas you want me to work into the next chapter. =) Thank you for reading! PS =. The playlist works if you click the titla(hopefully)


	3. Well, That Was an Eventful Sunday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cyrus is invited to spend the day with Andi, Jonah, Buffy, Marty, and Amber? Secrets come out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was my longest chapter, I hope you like it. I am sorry if I sound like I am rambling.

Yesterday had been one of the best days Cyrus has had in a long time. TJ, his sweet, oblivious, gorgeous boyfriend, took him on a real date. They even held hands...in public! As he lays in bed, letting the morning sun shine on him from his window, it's all he can think about. He can't believe anyone could care about him so much.

 

Every wall TJ has ever put up, he let Cyrus tear down. He even let Cyrus help him with his fear of thunder. He knows how proud TJ could be so Cyrus knew that this was a big deal. In fact, anytime TJ let Cyrus see his vulnerable side, he knew it was a big deal. He could not get over how happy TJ made him feel. TJ captivated Cyrus with everything he did.

 

He picks up his phone and stares at a text from last night. It had started storming again around 11pm, and without a second thought he had sent TJ the playlist from the museum with a short note.

 

 

Cyrus:

["Songs That Make Me Think of TJ](https://open.spotify.com/user/122786515/playlist/0SyRAV8Uf1nbxO9Fp9nLnk?si=EY5bGoj4TKmF04q2rrlk6w)"

In case you need this <3

 

TJ:

Thanks Underdog.

 

TJ:

Can I FaceTime you? I kind of rather hear your voice…

 

TJ:

You don't have to though. I'm sorry.

 

Cyrus:

Don't be sorry. Of course you can.

 

Moments later, he got a video call. That's how they spent the next few hours, with TJ under a blanket with headphones on, just listening to Cyrus talking about anything to block out the the thunder rumbling outside their windows.

 

Cyrus keeps smiling as he sits up in bed to get ready for the day. He blushes to himself as he thinks about TJ's cute text. He actually said he wanted to hear Cyrus' voice. Cyrus can't help but gush over TJ. How could he be so lucky?  He considers sending a good morning text to TJ but decides against it. He knows his boyfriend likes to sleep in most weekend mornings and really does not want to bother him. So he throws on his clothes and gets ready for the day.

 

**********

After breakfast, Andi had called Cyrus to see if he wanted to hang out with her, Amber, Buffy, Jonah, and Marty. They were going to spend the day at Andi's, maybe watch some movies and order pizza. Of course he accepted, but part of him was a bit disappointed that he couldn't invite TJ. Obviously with the exception of Amber, none of them liked TJ. They only tolerated TJ at school because he was Cyrus' friend.

 

Cyrus actually feels really guilty towards TJ. He wishes his friends would be kinder to the older boy. He sees the way they shoot him looks; he is not blind. He knows they are being protective, but he does not need babysitters, he needs friends  When they are all hanging out together, he tries to ignore those looks and focus his energy towards TJ. Most of the time he gives him gentle, apologetic smiles to counteract his friends' negativity. He never wants TJ to feel bad and he hates that his friends are part of the reason he may. Even Andi, who has a crush on TJ's big sister, won't let up on him.

 

One of the things that stuns Cyrus the most about TJ, is he doesn't complain about the way the GHC(and friends) treat him. Cyrus would understand if he did. They could be terrible towards him. He is a little worried that he is doing that so Cyrus won't feel bad. He knows his boyfriend always puts Cyrus' feelings before his own. He does this to a fault.

 

On more than one occasion, Cyrus has run into TJ at school, and noticed how sad the basketball player was. Whenever he asks about it, TJ promises that it is nothing, and puts on a big beautiful smile but Cyrus can see how the smile doesn't reach those green eyes. Cyrus knows that when TJ is truly happy, that happiness radiates from his entire face, like yesterday when he stared at Cyrus talking about every dinosaur in the museum. He can't believe how TJ could make him feel like he was the only one that mattered.

 

That is the problem though; TJ did not treat himself like he mattered. That's why Cyrus is convinced there is something happening at school that TJ is not telling him. He does not know what to do because he doesn't want a push him to talk though. One thing that is for sure, his friends are not making whatever it is better.

 

***********

In the early afternoon, he starts heading towards Andi's. It is mid November but it had been pretty warm, so he did not expect it to be that cold. He is only wearing a light button down. It's a little chilly when he gets outside but not cold enough to go back inside and grab a jacket.

 

Boy, did he regret that decision. By the time he reached Mainstreet, the wind picked up and he was shivering. He walks past the little supermarket on the corner when he spots a familiar tuff of dirty blonde hair. The older boy is examining some apples on a stand outside the store, trying to pick out the right ones. He doesn't notice Cyrus sneaking up behind him. Cyrus stands on his tiptoes and whispers "Boo" into the TJ's ear.

 

TJ spins around around and smiles as he sees Cyrus. Cyrus takes a moment to absorb how cute TJ looks right now. He does not have his hair done up with the usual copious amounts of gel. Cyrus likes it better this way. He likes the way little strands of hair fall on TJ's forehead. It reminds him of the night at the park when they first got together. He is wearing a pair of faded jeans with his blue basketball team hoodie, and a jean jacket over that. Cyrus thinks he can stare at TJ all day. He reminds himself that he should speak though.

 

"Hey Teej." He flashed the other boy a smile.

 

"Hey Underdog." *TJ fought everything inside him that wanted to pull Cyrus in for a hug. He couldn't help it. Every time he saw Cyrus, he wanted to touch him, even if it just to hold his hand.

 

"So what are you doing today?" Cyrus immediately feels dumb asking. Obviously TJ was shopping.

 

"Just picking up some things for my mom. We are going to bake some apple pie flavored muffins tonight."

 

"Bake? I didn't know you liked to bake."

 

"What can I say, Cy? I have layers." He laughs softly before continuing."It's kind of a thing my mom and I do together when it is just us. Dad is working 2nd at work tonight and Amber is going to be at Andi's for some movie night. I'm guessing that's where you're heading, right?

 

Cyrus nods his head slightly. He still feels bad going, knowing TJ was not invited. He really wants to hang out with his friends, but he also wants them to see TJ like he does. TJ was genuinely a sweet boy, albeit misguided at times. He has worked so hard to let the good come through. God, was he proud of TJ.

 

As if TJ could read his mind, he says kindly "Enjoy your friends tonight Cy, I'm okay. I promise."

 

"I just...I just think you deserve to be seen for who you really are…" Cyrus wants to say more but a small gust of wind blows, sending shivers through his body.

 

TJ notices Cyrus shivering from the cool fall air because of course he does. He notices everything about Cyrus. He slips off his jacket before pulling the hoodie up over his head. He puts back on the jacket and then hand Cyrus his hoodie. "Put this on, it's cold. I don't want you getting sick."

 

Cyrus cannot bring himself to argue with TJ. Plus he is pretty cold, so he welcomes the idea of warmth. The smaller boy slips it over his body. He likes the way that it smells. It smells citrus-y, just like TJ. He is not sure if it is the soap TJ uses or what, but whenever they are close together, he swears TJ smells like lemons. He takes a second to inhale the scent from the piece of clothing.

 

TJ blushes as he looks at Cyrus in his hoodie. The sleeves are too long and the hoodie is too big for his small frame, but TJ thinks he is adorable. Something about his boyfriend wearing his hoodie makes him feel so pleased. He always sees other sports players' girlfriends in their hoodies and letterman jackets. So giving Cyrus his hoodie felt so right. He says quietly "You look good in my hoodie...I think you should keep it for a while."

 

Cyrus' face is bright red at this point. He has to remind himself not to do anything to give them away. He settles on a soft smile as a response. TJ lets out a quiet laugh before saying "Better get going, Muffin. Text me later?"

 

"Yes of course." Cyrus says before turning around to head out. TJ's eyes linger on Cyrus a little longer before going back to what he is doing.

 

The rest of the way to Andi’s, Cyrus is smiling like an idiot. He can’t really explain why TJ has this effect on him, but he does. He pulled the hood over his head so he could literally be surrounded by TJ’s scent. He wants fill his entire world with this smell. It makes him feel like he is not alone, like TJ is with him, even when he is not.

 

Before long, he arrives at Andi’s front door. He forces himself to put on a nonchalant face before knocking. Andi comes to the door and lets him in. “Cyrus, took you long enough.” She laughs as she holds the door open.

 

By the looks of it, he is the last one to arrive. When he walks into the living room, Marty and Buffy are on the ground in front of the couch, talking about something that Cyrus really has no interest in. Jonah is on the chair in the corner, while Amber is on the couch next to an empty spot that Cyrus assumes is Andi’s. Cyrus takes a seat on the floor and faces the rest of the group.

 

“Hey Cyrus” Buffy says taking her attention away from Marty for a second. Her greeting is echoed throughout the room. Cyrus looks around at his friends. He loves them all so much and they are so wonderful to him. He tries not to let them see him frown as his mind drifts back to TJ. They all go back to what they were previously doing.

 

It is Amber who ends up interrupting his thoughts. “Hey, isn’t that my brother’s hoodie?” All the eyes suddenly turned to look him.

 

_Crap._ He forgot to take it off before he came in. He has to come up with a good cover. “Yea, I saw him on the way over here. I forgot my coat and I was really cold. I asked him if I could borrow his hoodie since he had a jacket. Honestly, it was pretty dumb of me to leave the house without a coat…”’

 

Buffy rolls her eyes. “Wow, TJ actually did something nice for you for once. Don’t get used to it.”

 

Cyrus didn’t know what to say, he did not want to give away too much and he knew he had to be careful what he said. Luckily, he did not have to worry about that right now because Amber piped up.

 

“Hey, I know you guys don’t like him but that is still my little brother so be nice.”

 

Buffy rolled her eyes even harder. Cyrus knew Buffy wasn’t Amber’s biggest fan either so he did not know if she would listen. For now though, Buffy seems to have dropped it. Jonah, ever spacey to what is going on around him, says “So when is the pizza going to be here? I am starving.” The room laughs and he just shrugs his shoulders.

 

**************

Cyrus should have known that Buffy was not going to drop the TJ stuff permanently. It was not long after the pizza arrived that she started at it again.

 

"I don't get it Cyrus, why are you still friends with that guy? I mean, he is not..."

 

Marty interrupts her. "Buffy, if he wants to be friends with him, isn't that his business, not ours?" Cyrus has never been more thankful for Marty.

 

She shoots back at him. "Cyrus is my best friend and it is my business when some jerk isn't worth being his friend." Andi nods is agreement.

 

Cyrus doesn't know what comes over him but he stands up and says louder than intended "Don't call him that! He is not just _some jerk._ He is a really great guy. And you know what else? He is so considerate and sweet. You don't know anything about him, Buffy. So just stop.

 

Everyone is quiet for a moment. They are all shocked by his outburst of assertiveness. To be honest, Cyrus was shocked by it too. He looks around at his friends' stunned faces waiting for someone to do something. Buffy takes a deep breath and stands up to be face to face with Cyrus.

 

"Cy, do you still _like_ TJ?" She says in a quiet, understanding, voice. Cyrus doesn't know how to answer. In reality, he wants to just tell them all the truth. He wants them to know that he doesn't just like TJ but TJ likes him too. More than that, TJ  is his boyfriend. He wants to tell them all how happy TJ makes him, how even now, in this tense situation, his boyfriend's scent, enveloping him in the form of a hoodie, helps him feel stronger.

 

"I need some air, okay?" He manages to choke out. He knows Buffy wants to push more but he is grateful that she doesn't. He gets out of the living room and into the backyard.

 

He really doesn't know what to. His head is spinning as he sits down on the bench. Why is this so hard? Being with TJ is so easy. Why can't telling people be this easy? He knows it is not his right to out TJ so telling his friends now is not an option.

 

He really doesn't want to bother TJ tonight. After all, he is spending his night baking with his mom. But it is as if his fingers have a mind of their own.

 

Cyrus:

I don't know what to do.

 

TJ:

What is happening? Are you okay, muffin?

 

Cyrus:

Yea, I'm okay. It's just, I screamed at Buffy. She just called you a jerk and I lost my temper. Then she asked if I still had a crush on you and I panicked, and now I am outside like an idiot.

 

TJ:

Cyrus, I'm so sorry...I hate that you are feeling bad.

 

Cyrus:

I wish you were here…

  


After that text, Cyrus does not hear anything. He hopes he did not weird TJ out by being too clingy. He is kicking himself for being so dumb. He sits outside for another 30 minutes and he is glad his friends let him be. He keeps staring at his phone in case TJ texts him back.

 

He finally collects himself enough to head back in and face his friends. He does not know what he is going to say but he will figure it out.

 

He walks back through the back doors to the living room. He is still lost in his thoughts so he barely notices his surroundings. He is not even looking up because he does not want to meet his friends' eyes. That’s why he is caught off-guard when he hears an unexpected voice say "Hey Underdog..."

 

Cyrus' voice catches in his throat. He can barely believe who he is hearing. He looks up from the ground to meet TJ's eyes. Then he quickly looks around at his friends who all look as confused as he is. He goes back to TJ's eyes. "You actually came..." Cyrus thinks back to the last text he sent.

 

"Of course, I came." TJ beams at the younger boy. TJ had shown up a few minutes prior. Andi had answered the door. She was not expecting him but let him in anyways. He was just about to head outside to look for Cyrus. TJ continues to stare into Cyrus' eyes. They are in their own world again. Cyrus feels his heart flutter in his chest. TJ dropped everything to be here for him. How could he be so lucky?

 

As usual, Buffy is the first to break the silence. "Okay, what is going on between you two?"

Cyrus bites his bottom lip and silently asks TJ with his facial expressions for permission to say out loud what he wants to say to his friends. TJ nods his head slowly and Cyrus feels a weight lift off his shoulders. He mouths "Thank you."  Without removing his eyes from TJ, he says in a shaky voice "TJ is my...boyfriend." He feels it get harder to breathe as his chest restricts. He knows that this is also difficult for TJ but once again, TJ puts Cyrus' feelings first.

 

Everyone in the room stares in shock at the two boys.No one quite knows what to say. The air is thick and Cyrus could practically cut the tension with a knife. Out of the corner of his eyes, he sees everyone's faces. Buffy, Andi, and Jonah all have mirrored looks of surprise on their face. Marty looks kind of clueless, which Cyrus expected.

 

But it is Amber he appreciates the most right now. She is smiling over at her brother. TJ is so focused on Cyrus, that he doesn't notice her but Cyrus does. He is so thankful that someone else really cares for TJ. He focuses his attention back to his boyfriend. As soon as sees his face, he melts. TJ is practically glowing as he smiles at Cyrus.

 

TJ steps closer to Cyrus. He moves so he is at Cyrus' side, grabbing his hand. He squeezes his hand gently, urging Cyrus to continue on. He clears his throat and begins to talk, this time in a way more confident voice.

 

"TJ and I started dating a month ago yesterday. It’s been the best month of my life. He even took me to the Natural History Museum yesterday, on like a real date.  TJ treats me like I'm important."

 

TJ interjects "Because you are important, muffin." He blushes when he realizes he said that out loud. Cyrus smiles even bigger. He runs his thumb over TJ's knuckles. Buffy looks like she is going to laugh at the overly cutesy nickname but Cyrus shoots her a look that makes her reconsider.

 

Andi steps up closer to the boys. She looks hesitant at first but then gives a small, nervous smirk. "That explains a lot...but I still don't get it. " She turns her head to TJ. "Why did you abandon Cyrus on costume day?" Cyrus goes to speak but TJ interrupts him. "It’s okay, Underdog... I want to be open with your friends..."

 

He pulls Cyrus to the couch so that they are sitting against each other. Their fingers are still laced together. The other kids sit down too, getting ready to listen. He takes a deep breathe. “It was Kira…she figured out I liked Cyrus…a lot. She had come up to me to ask about being on the boy’s team, and I turned her down. Cyrus had come up, and she seen how we interacted. At the time I was oblivious to how obvious I was about liking Cyrus. She made me feel bad for wanting to do a costume with a boy. She made it seem like people would know I was…gay if I did. It was dumb, I know. I was dumb. I understand why you all hate me, because I hated me after what I did. I kind of still do.” Cyrus looks at TJ with sad eyes. It kills him that TJ feels this badly about himself. He tries to focus on the rest of what the boy has to say.  “Cyrus deserves the best and it makes me so happy to know that you care for him so much.”

 

Buffy looks so angry. Cyrus is afraid of what she is about to say. He does not want her to still hate TJ. She spits out “How could she do that?! Oh god, I am so sorry, guys. I kicked her off the girls team, and she went after my friends…I can’t believe her! I’m sorry for the way we have been treating you, TJ.” She pause and thinks about something. She laughs to herself. “Who would've thought a year ago, I would be apologizing to you?”

 

TJ laughs back. "It's fine, you were only protecting Cyrus...I would of done the same thing."

 

Jonah chimes in. "So is Kira still bothering you, man?"

 

TJ gets quiet and Cyrus feels him tense against him. Cyrus turns to face TJ. "Wait...TJ is she? Is she doing anything to you?"

 

"It's nothing, I promise…"

 

"Teej, don't lie to me...please tell me. I see you sometimes at school, looking so sad. I never want to push you to talk when you are not ready, but it is breaking my heart knowing that someone is making you that upset. "

 

TJ looks around at the room. Marty speaks up "Look, if I know anything about this group of people, they will all go above and beyond for their friends, and that includes standing with them when someone is giving them trouble.” Buffy looks behind her at Marty and smiles.

 

Cyrus squeezes TJ’s hand and pleads with him. “Baby, please tell me if something is happening.”

 

TJ feels so vulnerable right now. He has worked so hard for the past month to hide this from Cyrus. He hates putting so much on the brunnette. Cyrus has already done so much for him, he really did not want to add to that. But now, here he is with his big brown eyes peering through TJ. The way Cyrus called him baby made his breath catch in his throat. Cyrus literally could make him putty in his hands. TJ could not possibly hide anything from him now.

 

He tries to keep his voice calm and as detached as possible. He does not want to come off as too emotional over this. “It’s really not that important. She just says some mean things sometimes…”  TJ tries to look anywhere but back at Cyrus. But it is no use. Everywhere in the room he looks, he sees a pair of concerned eyes looking at him.

 

Cyrus says tenderly “TJ, what kind of mean things does she say? “

 

“Just...just like..umm things to remind me that I’ different. She likes to point out how unfortunate it would be if my secret got out. She is right though, this is a small town and not everyone is that accepting.But  like she is threatening me for the fun of it. But she doesn’t have any proof so I think that is why she hasn’t outed me...us. Oh and sometimes she brings up cute girls in front of my teammates and asks me what I think about them.I  think she just wants to embarrass me. She gets some sick pleasure out of making people feel small. Or like...on Friday, she noticed I was struggling in math so she started basically calling me stupid. I did not even turn in anything to Coleman…” TJ was rambling and he was starting to speak faster. Cyrus could see how upset he was getting.

 

Cyrus pulled TJ into a hug, squeezing him tight, in an attempt to push away any hurt TJ was feeling. Cyrus was so beyond angry. How could Kira be so cruel? He never wants to see TJ hurting.especially when that hurt was caused by a senseless reason. Kira was a bully and for some reason, TJ was her target. It just wasn’t fair.

 

Cyrus could tell that TJ was getting uncomfortable around all these people. He knew TJ was trying to hold himself together and put on a strong face for them. As he hugged TJ, he whispered “Wanna go to the swings?” TJ  nods slightly as a response.

 

Both boys let go of each other as they go to stand up. “We are going to go, okay?” Cyrus gives them all a weak smile. Everyone understand and bids their farewells. Right before TJ walks out the door, Buffy grabs his arm. “Hey, you know we got your back, okay? We will figure out a way to handle Kira.” TJ gives her a little smile. “Thanks, Driscoll.”

 

*************

It's about 6:30 when they get to the swingset. The sun is starting to set, and the park is pretty empty. TJ likes it that way. Now it can be just him and Cyrus. He takes a seat on the swing next to Cyrus’. “Hey Cy?”

 

“Yea?”

 

“I am glad we told your friends…”

 

“Me too...but can I ask you something?” The shorter boy asks meekly.

 

“Anything, Muffin.”

 

“Why did you change your mind about telling them? Was it just for me?”

“Well part of it was for you..” The blond says honestly. “But part of it was for me too. I was kind of hoping that...they could be my friends too. I know that sounds pretty lame but sometimes  I get jealous of anyone who has friends. Besides you, I don’t really have any.”

 

“That is not lame, not lame at all. And I think after tonight, you have a huge group of friends.”

 

Tj smiles at the thought of that. He clears his throat to continue speaking. “I really am sorry for not telling you about Kira. I just did not want you to worry.”

 

Cyrus looks around for anyone who may be watching. They might have come out to their friends but neither of them are ready to come out to anyone else. Their friends are pretty understanding people, but Shadyside could be kind of conservative. Not every kid, or even adult would be so kind to them. When Cyrus is sure they are alone, he twists in his swing to face TJ. He grabs the other boy’s hand.

 

“Teej, it is my job to worry about you. It is part of the whole boyfriend deal.. Think about it, You would want me to tell you if something was happening to me, right?”

 

“Yeah, of course!” *TJ says almost matter of factly.

 

“Well I feel the same way. Kira doesn’t get to bully my boyfriend and get away with it, you understand?” Cyrus says in a very controlled voice.

 

TJ nods.How could he be so dumb to believe that Cyrus wouldn’t want to hear about his problems, about his bully. God. He does not understand how Cyrus does it  He already thought Cyrus was attractive, but he has never looked cuter than right now. TJ took in the image in front of him. Cyrus’ face looked so confident as he spoke about standing up for his boyfriend. Adding to that, Cyrus was still in TJ’s hoodie. The sleeves were pushed up slightly and the hood was draped down the top of Cyrus’ back.

 

TJ reaches for one of the strings hanging from the hoodie, and plays with it as Cyrus stops talking and looks at him. TJ’s green eyes meet  Cyrus’ brown. He bites the bottom of his lip as he notices Cyrus’ eyes flicker down to his lips. He stands up from his swing and steps closer to the other one. As he stands over Cyrus, he leans down and cups the bottom of Cyrus’ chin with on hand as his lips press against the other boy’s.

 

It is like the world stopped spinning around them. TJ has never felt more connected to another person in whole entire life. He could stay like this for hours, if only he did not have to breathe. When they break apart, TJ goes back to his swing and sits. They spend the next few minutes in blissful silence, both of them lost in their own happy thoughts.

 

Unfortunately, neither boy realizes they were not alone in the park. Come tomorrow, their whole worlds are going to change.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Side note, my next chapter may have some derogatory words in it. Let me know if you are highly against that. Like last time, the playlist actually plays if you care. =)


	4. Worst Monday Ever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cyrus and TJ have their world's turned upside down. Can their relationship survive?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter uses not so nice language (ie homophobic slurs). This chapter was hard to write because it hits close to home with my own middle school experience. I hope you like it.

"Freak."

"Homo."

"Pansy."

"Faggot."

These words were hanging in the air around them. TJ and Cyrus were in Cyrus' bedroom, laying on the floor side by side, with their fingers intertwined, refusing to let go as if their lives depended on it. Sadly with how TJ was feeling now, Cyrus was pretty sure his life did depend on it. Cyrus turns his head so he can look at TJ. His eyes lingered on a bruise that was forming around the other boy's eye. It broke his heart. He let his eyes slip down to his own arm, looking at the hand shaped bruise. It left a dull throb down his arm.

The blond's cheek was streaked with silent tears. His face was tense and broken. He looked like he could shatter into a million pieces at any moment. Cyrus knew the feeling. He was barely keeping it together himself. Between the hurt he felt for what kids did to him today, and the intense anger he felt towards those who hurt TJ, he was about to lose his mind. How could this be happening?

Today had started so positively. TJ was practically glowing on the way to school. Yesterday night, he gained so many friends in Andi, Buffy, Jonah, and Marty. He was genuinely excited about having more friends at school and not feeling so lonely. Cyrus remembers smiling as he listened to the older boy gush as they walked together. He remembers wanting to hold his hand as they walked, but didn't because they weren't out to the public. Looking back he wished he did, because maybe it would of given his boyfriend more strength for what would come next.

This morning, they walked through the big double doors leading into the school hallway. Immediately everyone went silent. Hundreds of eyeballs bore into them as they walked down the hallway towards their lockers. Their lockers this year were right next to each other. People parted down the hallway to let them through. Cyrus heard some snickering and whispers when they passed.

"What's going on?" The shorter boy asked quietly.

"I'm not sure..." TJ admits apprehensively.

That's when they see it. Out of the corner of his eye, Cyrus sees his friends rushing up to stop them from seeing but it is too late. Taped to both of their lockers were blown up pictures of them kissing. It was from the park last night. It shows TJ standing up, leaning down to kiss Cyrus as he sat on the swing. Any other time, Cyrus would of loved that picture. TJ looked so beautiful in it, but right now it was breaking his heart. Someone outed them. They took away their right to come out on their own terms.

Then both boys noticed something else. Written on the bottom of the pictures in big red ugly lettering was the word 'FAGGOTS.' Cyrus forgot how to move. He stood frozen as everyone stared at them. He could hear whispers filled with ugly words. He could hear TJ's heavy breathing next to him. He did not know if his boyfriend was about to cry or lash out at everyone there.He wanted so badly to reach over and take his hand but knew that would make everything worse.

That's when he heard Buffy's voice cut through the crowd. "What are you guys all looking at?! Get out of here, now!" Cyrus saw his friends push forward to stand with them. Buffy threw her arm around TJ's shoulder while Andi squeezed Cyrus' hand. Kids began to disperse at Buffy's threatening voice but a few lingered.

"Get out of here!" Jonah called out.

Yeah, leave now. Get to class or something." Marty shouted.

With that, the group was left alone in the hallway. Both boys knew this was not the end of their problems, but it helped for now. Cyrus whispered "Thank..thank you..." Jonah and Marty went up to the lockers and ripped down the offending pictures. They were quiet for a moment. Maybe even longer. Time was moving in slow motion. It was like they all had something to say but did not want to be the one to say it.

Jonah finally broke the silence. He said "Can we go somewhere and talk...there is more you guys should know." Cyrus saw TJ's face get even tenser. He did not think it was possible. The bell rang but none of kids seemed to care. TJ gives a small nod to Jonah's previous question.

They walked down the hallway and found an empty classroom. Given the situation, they were pretty sure their teachers would understand them missing some class. Marty was the last one in the classroom, so he shut the door behind him and locks it.

Andi takes a deep breathe and then pulls out her phone. She opens up a text and hands the phone to Cyrus. TJ is standing near Cyrus looking over the phone. There is a video attachment. Andi says quietly "Hit play, Cy..." He does as she says and watches the video that makes him feel 100X worse.

It is a clip from the park. It is a crappy cell phone video. It shows the whole kiss...it shows them staring at each other like idiots and then them talking afterwards. They looked like love struck puppies. Luckily the person who taped this was too far away to record their conversation. But it is still way worse than the picture. You can hear the two voices in the background belonging to whoever recorded this. From the looks of it, they were hiding behind some tree. One voice is obvious, it was Kira. But someone was talking to her. TJ's heart dropped even further. The other voice belonged to Reed.

This hurt him even more. Back when Reed was his friend, he didn't actually come out to him but he was pretty sure he knew about his crush on Cyrus. Reed seemed supportive, even playfully flirting with Cyrus the day of the gun incident. Reed and Lester used to listen to TJ ramble on about Cyrus. They knew he liked going to the swings to talk to the smaller boy. That explains why Kira knew she could probably find him there with Cyrus. Reed must of told her. He couldn't believe Reed would seep as low as outing them. 

As the clip came to an end, both boys looked dumbfounded. TJ could feel his friends' sympathetic stares directed and him and his boyfriend. Buffy is almost whispering as she says "I think it was sent out to the entire student body."

Cyrus kind of figured that. He cannot imagine how this situation could get any worse. He was expecting TJ to run away and isolate himself from them, from him. But what he actually does, breaks his heart more.

TJ whimpers softly like he could barely talk. 'Can...can you guys give me and Cyrus a moment...please..." The other kids nod and leave without a fuss. Their faces all look worried, nevertheless.

Cyrus braces himself for TJ to break it off, to tell him that he never wants to talk to again, to tell him this was all a mistake, but he does not. He looks to the ground as he stands facing Cyrus. He takes a sharp, pained breath. "You don't have to stay with me...this is all my fault. I'm sorry...I'm so sorry."

Cyrus did not expect that. The surprise causes him to let out a dry laugh. How could TJ ever think Cyrus would leave him over this. "You can be so oblivious, you know that? You mean more to me than any of those people. TJ I lo..I mean you are so important to me.I just can't imagine being without you." He realized he almost slipped up and dropped the "L" word, but stopped. He thought it would not be the right time. He did not want to freak the older boy out more

TJ weakly reaches out for Cyrus' hand. It was almost surreal to see TJ look so defeated. This was not the confident, goofy, jock Cyrus knew. Cyrus was so sad looking at him. He grabbed TJ's outstretched hand. Cyrus didn't know what hurt him more, what those kids did to him, or what they did to TJ. Actually he knew the answer to that question. TJ's hurt will always matter more to him, for better or for worse.

They stay quiet for a long time before Cyrus' voice cracked through the air. "We have to get to class, Teej..." TJ silently nods in response but doesn't attempt to move. Cyrus decides he will stay there as long as TJ needs him to. 

Cyrus would if been terrified if skipping class before this. He wouldn't want to face Metcalf's lecture about the importance of making the most of your time at school. Or even worse, detention. But none of that matters to him right now. The events of today took away his ability to care. 

He glanced momentarily at the door to make sure his friends locked it behind them. This room has no windows as it is a basement classroom. With reassurance that the door was secure, he pulled TJ close to him, moving to wrap his arms around him and hold him close, threatening to never let go.

The blond does all he can not to just collapse in Cyrus' arms. He felt exhausted. Today was not supposed to be like this. This was not how he pictured finally coming out. He keeps picturing that ugly word written in red. It was like living a nightmare. Was that all he was? 

He rest his head on Cyrus' shoulder, trying to pull himself back together before they had to face the other students. He took a shaky breath before whispering into the shorter boys ear "I'm ready…"

"You sure?"

"Yea…Are you?" He whispers, trying to make himself believe he was truly ready.

“Honestly that depends….” Cyrus says in an unsure voice.. His voice gets lower, almost sounding shameful. “I can handle being out there, as long as you don’t shut yourself away from me. I hate what those people said and did, but what scares me the most is the thought of losing you...”

When those words roll off his tongue, TJ’s grip around Cyrus gets tighter. “I could never do that, Underdog...not anymore. Every part of my life is touched by you. You are under my skin, you know? “ Those were the most confident words TJ has said since they got to school. Cyrus could not help but believe they are true.

Cyrus pulls away and gives TJ a small beautiful smile. “Okay...let’s go.”

With that, both boys head out and go to their separate classes.

 

************************  
School dragged on. They both missed most of first period already so they waited for second period. TJ had English and Cyrus had math. They were on opposite ends of the school so they couldn't even walk together to class. 

When they separated, Cyrus tried to hurry to math class, to avoid listening to people in the halls. Some gave sad, sympathetic smiles. He knew they meant well but wouldn't actually do anything. Then of course, there were the mean whispers. 

"Freak."

"I should have known, honestly...he was always such a girl." 

"I have to sit next to that homo in science. I hope he doesn't infect me like he did TJ."

He tried to ignore everything, trying to focus on how TJ could always make him smile. He tried to focus on their date this past weekend. TJ was always his happy thoughts. He didn't look at anyone, just passed by with his head down. 

None of his friends were in the same math class, Buffy had gotten moved to honors, and Andi was later in the day. So he could not even get a reprieve when he got to class. 

You know who was in his class though? Reed. He was dreading walking through that door. Up until now, Reed had ignored him since the gun incident. He knew he would not be that lucky today 

As if on cue, Reed, Lester, and a few other boys from 2nd period math were waiting outside the classroom. Coleman was not in class yet, so Cyrus had no teacher to protect him.

"Hey Cy…" Reed sneers.

Cyrus remains quiet, trying to pass the group to get into the classroom. 

Reed grabs his arm hard enough to bruise, stopping him in his tracks. It really hurt and Cyrus winces in pain. "I was talking to you. I knew you were a fag...but dumb too?"

Cyrus stays quiet as the boy releases him and pushes him back slightly. It causes Cyrus to stumble and fall on the ground. The boys surround him.

"You are going to regret ever turning TJ into one of you guys…"

Cyrus gets a burst of courage when he brings up TJ. He may not be able to defend himself well, but he would do anything for his boyfriend. "That's the dumbest thing I have ever heard. You can't turn someone gay. Trust me TJ was "one of us" way before me."

Reed looks pissed when Cyrus talks back to him. But Cyrus doesn't stop. Though his arm hurts and now his back from falling, he smirks. He doesn't know what came over him. "In fact, I thought you may be "one of us" by the way you were acting when we went dirt biking. You were flirting with me the moment I walked up. But it is not me you are into is it? You wanted another boy that was there. You wanted to make him jealous, didn't you?"

"Shut. Up. Goodman." He said in an irritated tone. His eyes are dark from anger. The other kids stare in confusion.

"Or what? You are going to hurt me again. Do it. I don't care. You know why? Because I have TJ and you never will." When the words leave his mouth, he feels a sharp kick to his stomach.

"I said shut up, faggot." Reed and his group walk into class leaving Cyrus laying on the floor, holding his stomach where Reed's shoe just made contact. He manages to stand up and walk into class before Coleman gets there. The last thing he wants is more attention drawn to him by getting a teacher involved.

As he sits in the back row, in a little corner, he smiles to himself. His body hurt like hell and he knew he would have a bruise on his stomach to match the one forming on his arm. But he stood up to Reed. He actually said out loud "I have TJ." It really hit him, TJ is his. He did not know what he did to deserve something so wonderful 

**********  
The rest of the day passed slowly. People would make nasty remarks whenever either of them were in the hallway. But no one came up directly to TJ like Reed did to Cyrus during the school day. Even Kira just gave satisfied grins when he saw her. She was satisfied with her work and did not feel the need to add to it. She could tell by his defeated face, that she had done enough.

Lunch was a good reprieve, as Cyrus and TJ were together, and they were surrounded by their friends. It was a little easier to ignore the other students. But today overall was mentally wearing them down. Ignoring the stares and the laughs was overwhelming. Cyrus keeps the Reed incident to himself. He knew TJ would lose his temper and Cyrus does not want TJ to get in trouble.

In the afternoon, classes were just as bad. In art class, which TJ and Cyrus have together, everyone focused all their attention on them. They sat together, like usual, but today everyone became hyper aware of it. In the past, they would exchange little cute notes to pass the time. They could not do that today without someone noticing though and making it a big deal. It was like they were like freaks on display.

Throughout the day, their friends really tried to help. They would shoot back nasty looks or tell off whoever was being a jerk. But it just wasn’t enough. The worst part wasn’t even the kids making the shitty comments.No, the worst part was that so many more kids weren’t saying anything at all. It was not just that they weren’t calling them names or being a bully. It was that they were just letting it happen. They were being indifferent in the face of 2 boys being taunted just because they were going out with each other. These kids were not being homophobic directly, but by ignoring the problem, they let it get worse.

**************************  
When school finally let out, TJ could not just go home. He had basketball practice, and for once he was not looking forward to it. Cyrus had always came to his practice. He would sit and watch them play(mostly TJ) and then they would walk home together. A bunch of the player’s girlfriends would be there too but until today, no one thought anything of Cyrus being there.

Cyrus met TJ at his locker before the taller boy went to practice. They tried to block out the few lingering glares around them. Cyrus whispers “Hey TJ….do you want me to come today? I...I don’t want to embarrass you more and I understand if you don’t want me there...I can just wait for you somewhere else...or I mean if you even want me to wait…” Cyrus was rambling and blushing more and more the longer he talked.

TJ does not know why Cyrus always makes him want to be brave but he does. He stops Cyrus mid-ramble. “Of course I want you to come, Underdog…” He adds “I don’t care what these people think.” That last part was kind of a lie but TJ wanted to believe himself.

Cyrus simply nodded as he watched the basketball player close his locker. He follows his boyfriend down the hallway towards the gym. They get there before the rest of the team so TJ goes to the locker room and changes before anyone else gets there. Cyrus takes a seat on the bleachers and settles in to wait. 

When the rest of the team arrives and is ready, they begin practice. The other basketball players’ girlfriends all sit away from Cyrus. But whatever separation and isolation Cyrus may feel, it is nothing like on the court. The other players won’t pass TJ the ball during drills, and they keep knocking in to him on purpose. They try to make it look like an accident because their coach is watching but Cyrus knows better. The team doesn’t seem to be treating them like their captain anymore.But everytime Cyrus makes eye contact with TJ, TJ puts on a big smile just for him. He knows TJ does not want him to worry.

When practice finally ends, things get worse in the locker room. TJ rushes to the locker room first. TJ tries to hurry out of as soon as possible but things don’t work out. He is standing at his locker trying to change. He already is back into his jeans and is working on getting his t-shirt back on. The other players enter the room. A tall boy, Brady, immediately starts talking to TJ. “Hey Kippen, I think you are in the wrong locker room. The girls locker room is that way.” He points towards the door.

“Very funny…” TJ responds dryly as he pulls his shirt over his head and begins packing up his stuff.

“I’m serious, Kippen. I don’t think I want you in here, and neither does anyone else. We don’t need a homo in here checking us out.”

“Trust me, I’m not interested.” TJ tries to remain calm.

“I don’t think you understand, we don’t want you on the team anymore.” He steps closer and shoves TJ as hard in the chest. 

“I don’t think you understand. I’m the best player you have. Without me, you aren’t going to win another game.” TJ replies, stepping back close to him. The boys stand almost nose to nose.

“I would much rather lose, then have you and your faggy ass boyfriend gaying up the place.”

A wave of rage swept over TJ. How dare he bring Cyrus into this. Without a second thought, TJ punches Brady right on the chin, knocking him to the floor. TJ grabs his backpack and goes to leave. He stops at the door and says “Oh Brady? I wouldn’t tell coach about this, wouldn’t want anyone else to know you got beat up by a faggot.”

TJ storms out of the locker room, while trying to compose himself. He walks into the gym and looks up at Cyrus on the bleachers. “Cy let’s get out of here...now”

**********************  
The boys walk home together. Tj didn’t want to tell Cyrus what happened, but when those big brown eyes looked up at him and asked what happened in the locker room, TJ could not lie. He told him everything. TJ seemed shaken up about it, mostly because he had worked so hard to not be angry anymore, and now it seemed like everything he worked at had been erased. 

TJ looked so sad, and Cyrus couldn’t help but feel bad for him. He no longer was afraid to hold TJ’s hand in public, people knew so what did it matter? So while TJ was talking, mainly beating himself up, Cyrus reached out and intertwined his fingers with TJ’s. It made TJ’s cheeks go red as he tried not show how much Cyrus could still get his nerves all tingly. Cyrus, once again made all his troubles melt away. 

Since TJ was honest with Cyrus, Cyrus decides to be honest with TJ. He tells him what happened with Reed. He shows him the little bruises on his arm. TJ looks like he could kill Reed right now. But Cyrus asks him to let it be and then tell TJ about how he stood up to him. TJ smiles at the last part when Cyrus says that he has TJ. 

“Is that true, Underdog? You really want me to be yours?”

“Yea…” Cyrus blushes. “We are dating after all.”

“Yea I know that, I just have never heard you say that. I think...I think I like being yours.”  
Cyrus shoots TJ a big smile. “Well I like that you are mine. I also like being yours too.”

TJ looks at the younger boy and really takes in every detail. Cyrus Goodman has done it again. He has made TJ forget about how bad today felt. He says “Hey wanna go to The Spoon?”

“Are you sure? A lot of kids from school will be there.”

‘Yea I know, let them talk. I can block them out when I am with you.”

“Okay then, I’m down to get some babytaters. “

“Cool, I have to run home and grab my cash and drop off my gym bag. Get us a table?”

“Yeah of course…” 

*****************’  
TJ walks into the door and the house is eerily quiet. Amber is at work, and so was his mom. But his dad should be home.He looks around the house just to check in. It wasn’t until he got to his room that he found him. He was sitting at TJ’s desk. He smelled strongly of whiskey and was holding a picture of TJ and Cyrus from TJ’s drawer.”

“Hey..hey dad, what you doing?”

“Is this the boy?” His dad asks as he waves the picture around.

“What...what are you talking about?” he stutters.

“Don’t play dumb with me, boy. The school called. They said that kids were giving you problems today over some kiss with a boy. Is this the boy?”

‘Yes, sir.” TJ looks down. He really wishes his big sister was there. Amber knew how to handle their dad when he was drunk and angry. She always protected him.

“I don’t ever want you to see him again. And you will not live that disgusting...lifestyle in this house.” His dad’s words are slurred as he stands up and steps closer to the boy. His dad could be pretty intimidating. He stood at 6’4 and had the build to match. TJ wonders if his dad knows that Amber is definitely not straight either.

TJ takes a deep breath before defyingly looking straight into his dad’s eyes.”No.”

“What did you just say to me?”

“I said no, dad. I will not stop seeing Cyrus and now that I was pushed out of the closet, I will not go back in. You or anyone else cannot make me!”

“You will not talk to me like that in my house!” He says grabbing TJ by the shirt collar and practically throwing him against the dresser behind him. That’s when the drunken hits and punches start landing against his body. “I’m the adult here, if you are going to act like a freak, I’m at least going to show you how to take a punch like a man.”

When the older man is done, he leaves TJ slumped against his dresser and closes the door. TJ knows he cannot possibly leave now. He does not have the heart to tell Cyrus what happened. He is sore all over. He knows he will have bruises and marks all down his chest and face. But he doesn’t hurt. He just feels numb. Like nothing at all matters. Like he doesn’t matter. Maybe he was a freak...he doesn’t even know. 

He stays on the floor leaning against that dresser for hours. He hears both his mom and sister come home. Then he hears fighting and doors slamming. Amber knocks on his door, but he ignores her. There is only one person he wants to see right now but he thinks he messed that up too.

He never made it to The Spoon and couldn’t bring himself to answer Cyrus’ calls.

*********************  
Cyrus had waited for TJ for 2 hours before finally going home. He does not know why TJ ditched him or why he was not answering his calls. He sadly walked home alone.

When he got to his dad’s house, he found all four of his parents waiting in the living room. They all heard what happened at school. They all ended up being so supportive. They were angry that someone took away his right to come out on his own terms.Cyrus was truly lucky in his home situation. They had a huge dinner and even told him he could invite TJ. Unfortunately TJ was not answering his calls. After dinner, his mom and step dad went home and Cyrus went to his room to do some homework and get ready for bed.

At around 11:30, Cyrus was laying bed. He could not get TJ out of his head. He was worried about his boyfriend. He was also angry. TJ said he wouldn’t leave him. Now he was worried that he changed his mind. The pressure from the kids at school was too much for him. A small ting sound broke him away from his thoughts. Someone was knocking lightly on his window.

He turned on a small lamp by his bed. He walked over to the window and slid it open. The figure that was knocking crawls through the window in into the room. When the light hit his face, Cyrus saw it was TJ. He also saw the big bruise forming around his eye and cheek. His heart dropped looking at the older boy. TJ looked like he was about to break. The blond says “I’m sorry I stood you up today….”

“Teej, its okay. What happened to you?” He whispers, scrunching his eyebrows together. He can’t believe someone would do this to him. He didn’t know why TJ was apologizing to him for missing some baby tators when obviously something horrendous happened to him.

“My..my dad. The school called him...I told him I would never breakup with you...and I think...I think he was trying to beat the gay out or something...I don’t know...I just...it just hurts….everything hurts. My body, the way everyone treated me...treated you. What did I do to deserve this? Maybe it’s karma or something for who I used to be…Cyrus, I don’t know if I can take this. I’m not strong enough. I just feel like I want to end everything.” He lets out a sob before the flood wall burst open. The last line slipped out. He didn’t really think he wanted to just kill himself, but it definitely crossed his mind. For the first time today, he let himself just cry. Cyrus pulls him into his arms and pets his hair. 

“You didn’t do anything to deserve this. Not everyone is as cool and accepting….and people like to hurt and breakdown those people who are different, who they don’t understand. TJ, you have the most beautiful heart, and there is this light in you that makes me better just from being around you. Please don’t let them take that light from you. Your dad? He is a mean bigoted, jerk. You deserve so much better. Teej, I need you so please don’t hurt yourself, okay? I love you…”

He wasn’t expecting to say that now, but it's what he felt. They have only been dating a month, but he knew he loved TJ back before they confessed. He knew that’s how he felt when TJ looked him in the eyes and said “You’re the only person I can talk to like this.”

Cyrus feels the wet tears soak through his shirt as TJ cries into his shoulder. He hears a mumble, almost too quiet to make out. TJ has whimpered“I love you too Cy….”

They stayed in each other’s embrace for a long time before it hurt to keep crying. That's how they ended up with their fingers intertwined, laying on the ground. Cyrus had pulled TJ to the ground so they could lay together and just take comfort in each other’s presence. Cyrus wasn’t sure how well that was working, as he got more and more upset the longer he stared at the bruises peppering his not-so-scary basketball guy’s skin.

He was not sure how, but he needed to fix all of this for TJ.


	5. As Long As I Have You...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after and figuring out what to do next

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was going to be the last chapter but I had some ideas. See end notes.

The events of last night still played like a nightmare in Cyrus' head. Somebody hurt the boy he loved, and that somebody was that boy's own dad. It broke his heart when TJ climbed through his window looking defeated and broken. He just doesn't understand. TJ is the most amazing, sweet, silly, beautiful soul he as ever interacted with. Cyrus thinks about all the wonderful things that he loves about that blond haired boy laying on the floor next to him, their fingers still intertwined. TJ always went out of his way to make Cyrus happy. Sometimes it was little things, like bringing him a chocolate-chocolate-chip muffin in the morning. Sometimes it was big things like that amazing date just a few days ago. 

TJ also cared about the planet. Cyrus could listen to him talk about the environment and how climate change was going to hurt us all. He had so many plans on how to help in the future. Cyrus hoped his boyfriend knew how smart he was and caring. Cyrus was honestly in awe of him. It was like there was this fire inside TJ that made everything he did seem so important. But Cyrus knew this fire was fueled by all parts of TJ, and that includes who he loves. How could someone want to extinguish that flame? How could his own father hurt him much?

He felt a tear roll down his face as he looked down at his sleeping boyfriend. TJ was holding onto Cyrus for dear life. He had been so emotionally exhausted last night, he did not even take off his shoes when he laid down. They stayed laying on the floor all night. Cyrus did shoot Amber a text letting her know TJ was here, but other than that, Cyrus had been in his own world, alone with TJ. At least no one could hurt TJ when it was just them.

It's about 4am, and Cyrus has not gone to sleep yet. Part of him was a afraid to fall asleep, because who would be there to protect TJ? Yea, it was irrational but Cyrus could not help it. So instead, Cyrus gently let's his fingers twist and play softly with TJ's hair.

After a few minutes, he feels the older boy move against him. He is slightly trembling and let's out a little whimper. He is having a nightmare. As his trembling continues, Cyrus gets worried. He could only imagine what he was dreaming about. Seeing him like this made him feel like he was going to shatter into a million pieces. 

"Teej, TJ, baby...wake up. " Cyrus says softly as he shakes him.

TJ shoots up and looks around the room disoriented. He looks confused as he looks around. When his eyes land on Cyrus, half propped up on his elbows, earlier memories flood into his brain. His face goes red. "Oh God, Cy? I'm so sorry...I did not mean to fall asleep…I...I should go...I'm sorry…"

TJ goes to stand up but before he can he feels a hand on his arm. "Stay." Cyrus' voice is soft but confident in his request. When he sees that TJ isn't going to get up anymore, he sits up too. He grabs TJ's hand and holds it in his lap, tracing the rough knuckles, wanting desperately to take away any pain the other boy may feel. The two sit in silence,on Cyrus' floor facing each other for a while, the room only lit up by the moon's light. 

"What were you dreaming about?" Cyrus says, breaking the silence.

"I can't really remember, you know?" TJ looks down at their hands. "Probably about yesterday but I can't remember the specifics...just that I felt stressed and a little scared...It's dumb...I don't think you were with me so it made it worse."

"Teej, please don't invalidate how you feel by calling it dumb… " Sometimes it was so obvious that he was the child of four psychologists. "Yesterday was terrible, and I…" Cyrus' voice gets quieter, "I was also scared, you know? I hated being outed in front of the whole school. But it was worse than that. They also outed you, and hurt you. And then your dad…" Cyrus reaches his hand up and softly touches the bruise that formed around TJ's eye. The older boy flinches and Cyrus pulls away. "I'm sorry…"

"No, please don't be. My face is a little sore, that's all… and my ribs. He really knows how to throw a punch." TJ gives a sad smile and tries to laugh it off.

"TJ...you didn't deserve that, you know that, right? " Cyrus says seriously. When TJ looks away and doesn't reply Cyrus continues. "You didn't...you deserve the world and I intend on being there to give it to you, okay?" Teej blushes and nods gently. They fall back into a comfortable silence. 

After a while, Cyrus breaks the silence again. He can't help it, he just loves to hear TJ talk. He whispers "Tell me what you are thinking about…'

TJ's face goes bright red and he smiles a little. "You, to be honest...and me...and the moon I guess…"

Cyrus smiles when he sees TJ look happy for the first time all night. TJ let's out a soft breath and continues. "So like you know how the moon can light things up the night sky and be beautiful?"

"Yea? What about it, Teej?" Cyrus asks like he genuinely cares what the other boy has to say.

"Well it wouldn't be able to do that without the sun, it only lights up because it is reflecting off the sun. And I don't know, I just feel like the moon sometimes. You said last night I have this light that makes you better by being around me, but I think you are wrong. Because you are my sun. Any light I have comes from you. Cyrus… thank you for being my sun. Without you I feel like I am nothing but some angry, dumb kid, still desperately denying who I am even to myself." TJ whispers. 

Cyrus' voice was soft. "TJ, the moon is amazing in its own right...you know that? The moon has the power to pull and change the tides of the entire planet. Isn't that amazing? The moon causes so much change so if you are the moon, that means you hold so much power. So yea, you are an amazing, beautiful moon. You are going to change the planet. You are too good not to." Cyrus knows how cheesy he sounds but he means it.

TJ looks away, clearly not believing Cyrus. He could not imagine himself being good person without Cyrus. Even yesterday at school, part if him wanted to lash out at everyone and just run away. Part of him even had wondered if it would have been better to break up with Cyrus. But not for him, but for Cyrus. He was such a disaster and he really did not think he deserved Cyrus. But he was too selfish and used Cyrus to help build up his walls to protect him from the bullies. He felt pathetic. Even right now he was being selfish. He woke Cyrus up in the middle of the night and he is sure Cyrus did not sleep when even he fell asleep. 

"God, Underdog, I really don't deserve you…' He does not meet Cyrus' eyes. He can't. "Cyrus, you told me you loved me last night. Is that true?"

Cyrus puts his fingers under TJ's chin and pushes it up gently so the boys can look each other. "Teej, I have never meant anything more…"

"Good... because I feel like I fell in love with you almost instantly. Like remember last year, when I was really upset for missing the game and feeling stupid...you were able to make me feel better..and made me feel worth it. And I think I knew that I loved you back then...and I was just afraid that I was moving too fast...and I didn't want to freak you out… and..I don't know….I wasn't even out to Amber yet back then. I was so afraid to admit I was into you because I was afraid to admit I was gay...even to myself." TJ was rambling and getting redder the more he talked. He voice was barely a whisper.

Cyrus bites his bottom lip as he watches his boyfriend get more and more flustered as he spoke. Cyrus interrupted the rambling by leaning in and giving TJ a surprise kiss. When he pulls away, he sees TJ beaming. He loved that he had that effect on the older boy.

"Well you finally did come to terms with yourself, and I am so happy you did...you make my life better, Teej…I really do love you so much…*

Just then, TJ's phone buzzes. It's a text from Amber. 

 

TJ frowns at the screen. "Amber is worried me getting in trouble...she wants me to home. Cy, I don't want to face my dad…" 

*TJ… you can stay here as long as you want...or you can go home and face him. But if you go home, you won't face him alone."

"I can't ask you to do that, Underdog "

"You aren't asking me to anything, I'm telling you. It's part of my job as your boyfriend to be there when you need me." 

TJ gives a weak smile. "Thank you...um do you know what time it is?"

Cyrus is a little confused at the instant change in subject but he obliges his boyfriend. Checking his phone he says "A little after 5am…" 

"Perfect...I have a game today after school so the team has morning practice before school...so it won't be a big deal when I am not in my bedroom when my dad wakes up at 5:30am. He will think I just headed to school early to warm up. That way I don't have to see him until after the game to deal with this." He leaves a set of clean gym clothes at school in case he forgets he ever bag, so he does not have to go home to get those. He sends Amber a text filling her in and also asking her to bring him his backpack, street clothes for after practice for school, and his uniform for tonight on her way to her school.

Cyrus nods. He loves that TJ has this all thought through. TJ is more clever than he will ever give himself credit for. Then Cyrus thinks of something else and frowns. "Crud, you have morning practice. We can't walk to school together today."

"Afraid so Underdog." TJ gives a little pout before Cyrus notices his eyes light up. 'But hey, can you do me a favor, muffin?"

"Yea, anything."

"You know my blue basketball hoodie I gave you the other day? Can you wear it to school today?"

"Really? You sure you want me to?" Cyrus asks, his voice full of nerves.

"Well on game day, a lot of the team's girlfriends wear their boyfriends' hoodies and since I don't have one of those, a girlfriend obviously, I was wondering if you would wear it… and I get if you don't want to but I figured no matter what, people will treat us like shit, so what's the point of toning down our relationship, now.* TJ says in a confident voice.

Cyrus smiles at TJ's new found bravery. "Of course I will wear it, baby…" Cyrus can't help but smile like an idiot. 

TJ mirrors that smile before saying "Well I better head to school, I wanna get there before the other players… you know avoid some locker room drama…" TJ was thinking about yesterday in there with Brady. He was also thinking of the possibility of others seeing the bruises on his chest. His face was bad enough.

Cyrus nods as he stands up with the other boy. TJ opens the window and slides out. Before leaving, he leans his head in one more time to to give Cyrus a kiss before disappearing into the early morning light.

***************

Cyrus takes a nap for about an hour before he has to get up to go to school. He knows it will be a long day with the bullies and lack of sleep, but knowing he will be wrapped in TJ's hoodie all day, gives him a little courage.

He gets ready and heads out. It's a little chilly this morning as he walks to school. But the soft, worn in, blue hoodie hanging off his body was doing wonderfully in keeping him warm. Buffy and Andi meet him at the top of the street of his street to walk with him.

Andi gives Cyrus a soft smile. "Are ready for today? " She asks as the group starts heading towards the school. 

"Yea. I mean I am nervous but could be worse…" Cyrus frowns thinking about what that worse thing was. His mind flashes to his boyfriend covered in little bruises.

Buffy chirps in softly, trying to bring up happier things. "I see you are wearing TJ's hoodie. That's good, right?"

"Yeah, I guess it is." Cyrus perks up a little. "TJ has a game after school and he asked me this morning if I would wear it. "

As those words leave his mouth, a familiar picture of long blond hair, walks up to the walking group. It's Amber. As she passes Andi to get to Cyrus, she and Andi's hands brush together for a moment. Both girls smile. 

Amber has two book bags. One is hers and one is TJs. She gets up next to Cyrus and says "Hey, would you be able to give this to TJ? I'm running late and don't really have time to stop by the middle school."

"Yes, of course." Cyrus says as he takes the bag.

"Also...can you tell me how he doing?" Amber looks down guiltily. "I feel so bad, I should of been home…" her voice gets lower as she pulls Cyrus a little ahead of the girls. "Our dad has always been not the nicest drunk and TJ always gets the brunt of it no matter what. Usually when this stuff happens, I'm around to protect him...but I was at work yesterday. I am so sorry."

Cyrus frowns at the thought if stuff like this happening before. He had no idea that TJ grew up in abuse. He looks at Amber."Amber, what your dad did was horrible but what happened was not your fault. I think TJ will be okay, just hurting but he knows you love him. You are a great sister."

She gives him a sad smile and nods. "Thanks Cyrus...I mean it. Thank you for taking care if my little brother." She gives him a quick hug before walking towards her school.

Buffy and Andi catch up to their friend. Buffy speaks first. "What was that about?"

"Um...TJ spent the night last night."

Andi and Buffy give the same curious grin.

"No, I didn't mean it like that. We are not ready for that. Stop imagining horrible things. It was actually a pretty...bad situation…" Cyrus knows he can't lie to his best friends. They will see the bruises and pick up something isn't right later anyways. "You can't tell anyone, not even Jonah or Marty, okay? This is for TJ to tell. But TJ's dad didn't react well to finding out that he was gay and...he hurt him... badly." Both girl's faces drop as he keeps on. "He snuck out and stayed overnight, so Amber was giving me stuff for him."

Andi whispers as she says "Is he okay?"

Cyrus gives a sad look. "I think he will be but to be honest I am so scared for him. It's just, you guys and my parents have been so supportive. And like, sure school is terrible because of Reed and Kira, but at least I can go home to parents who care. TJ only has us as an escape… his dad is toxic." 

Buffy says as they inch closer to their school. "We will help however he wants, okay?"

"Okay." He says softly. They walk up and through the double doors. They are pretty early so there are not that many students there yet. He had asked his friends to come with him early to school so he could get to class before the halls filled up. He knows TJ's practice is almost over too. "I have to get down to the gym and drop this bag off, see you guys at lunch?" 

The girls want to walk with Cyrus but get the hint that he wants to go alone to TJ. They bid their farewells and separate.

Cyrus walks down to the gym and slowly enters. Most of the team does not notice that anyone walked in. Cyrus stands in the corner, covered mostly by the bleachers. To his surprise, the team is passing his boyfriend the ball, even if their faces look begrudging. They must of realized they won't win without him.

He watches his boyfriend make shot after shot and can't help but be impressed. He hates how the harsh light of the gym showcases the yellow tones forming in the marks on his face. He tries to focus on the amazing practice and not dwell on the terrible memories filling the basketball player's skin.

Out of the corner of his eye, he notices another figure under the bleachers, who has not seemed to notice him. The team can't see him. Cyrus watches as the other figure comes into view. It's Reed. But he is not sporting his usual laid-back smirk. He looks almost sad. Cyrus notices something else. Reed has all his attention on TJ. Cyrus knows the look. It's the same look Cyrus remembers giving TJ back when they were simply crushes. Reed really did have a crush on TJ.

Cyrus did not know how to feel. On one hand, Cyrus was still incredibly upset at what he helped Kira do. On the other hand though, he felt for the boy. Reed was obviously facing some sort if shame about his feelings and on top of that, his crush was with someone else.

He does not know why he does what he does next, maybe it was that stupid nagging voice in his head that forces him to care when he should not, but he walks quietly up to Reed and whispers as to not alert the basketball players. "Reed?"

The tall blonde jumps in surprise. He looks caught off guard. He almost looks guilty as he unconvincingly puts on a tough voice. 'What do you want, Goodman?"

"I just came to see if you are okay. You looked like something is bothering you and I'm here if you wanna talk... about anything. Your feelings are totally normal."

Reed could tell what Cyrus was getting at but was not ready to talk about this. "Just leave me alone, okay? I won't bother you anymore or tease you, just pretend you never saw me here." Reed pleads softly before escaping past Cyrus and slipping off without anyone noticing.

Cyrus stands quietly by himself. Maybe he can't help everyone and that's hard for him to accept. He lets out little sigh before watching the last couple minutes of practice. 

When practice ends, he waits till he sees the other boys go to the locker room. He knows TJ would be looking for Amber for his clothes. When TJ is alone Cyrus steps out, and smiles."Got your clothes." He says stepping closer and hands him his bookbag. "Amber was running late for something at her school. She told me to tell you she loves you. Oh, and so do I." Cyrus smiles, he loves saying that now that he knows he can.

TJ smiles back before pulling Cyrus in for a hug. He whispers "You look so good in that hoodie. I don't even know if I will be able to concentrate on the game with you looking like that."

Cyrus' cheeks go hot as they turn red. It is a good thing his face is against TJ'S shoulders or his boyfriend would see how flustered he was. "Thanks, my not-so-scary basketball guy."

They pull away from each other as they hear the locker room door open behind them. A couple players sneer at them as they walk by but everyone on the team is so scared of getting beat up by TJ after yesterday, that they don't say anything.

"Underdog, I'm going to get ready. Wait for me? I will walk you to class."

"Yea, of course…* Cyrus is so impressed by TJ's confidence today.

TJ goes and gets ready for the school day. The other players are all gone. When he comes out, Cyrus can't help but smile. He is wearing loose jeans with a white long sleeve shirt. Amber obviously did not pack his hair gel. TJ comes out with a few stray curly hairs falling on his forehead. Cyrus goes up and grabs his hand. "You look adorable…"

"That's what you think, I hate my hair like this."

"Well I happen to love it. " Cyrus leans up and kisses TJ's cheek.

They head out to the hallway. Unfortunately, enough time passed that now it is full of students getting ready for first period. The whispers continue like yesterday but now speculations on what happened to his face add to the convention. The boys pretend not to hear them as they walk to Cyrus' first period. Some people point out that Cyrus is wearing TJ's hoodie. There is a lot of snickering. 

After what felt like forever, they get to the classroom. TJ walks Cyrus to his seat before running to his own class. Cyrus smiles as he watches his strong boyfriend leave. He does not care about any of the teasing and hurt as long as he has TJ.

************  
The school day dragged on like the day before. TJ made excuses with the teachers for the bruises. He knows from experience that a call to Child Protective Services will not do anything. His dad will force everyone to play perfect family, pass the home inspection, and then when they leave, his dad would be more angry. That ends up just bringing more pain for him. It was not worth it.

He ends up telling the entire group about what happened. He does not know why feels so open to talk to them but it feels good. It was definitely a lot better having Buffy, Andi, Jonah, and Marty as friends instead of enemies. They and Cyrus make being at school easier. 

Part of him hated to admit it but he also misses his old friends. Reed and Lester had been his friends since kindergarten. It was weird not talking to them. But after what Reed did with Kira, there is no way he could see them being friends again. It was best to focus on his new friends.

When the final bell rang, TJ headed directly to the gym to warm up with the rest of the team. No one speaks to him but they all started passing the ball to him again earlier at practice, so he will take that.

In the locker room he listens to the crowd forming outside in the gym just like any other game. He is more nervous than usual today. He doesn't know what the crowd may say about him when he is out there.

As he stands there off to the side of the room, thinking to himself, he suddenly feels a hand on his shoulder. He turns back to see who it is and is shocked to see another teammate smiling at him. It's Aaron. He says quietly "Look man, good luck. And...I want you to know not everyone is like Brady...people like that are just the loudest and other people don't want to speak up. I'm sorry for not saying anything."

"Thanks, man. I appreciate it." TJ smiles softly. He really does appreciate that more than he could express.

"Well let's finish getting ready. We got a game to win!"

The boys join the rest of the team. TJ notices quite a few supportive looks in his direction. It's a small step but it felt nice. The few bad side looks are drowned out. The team finishes up before heading to the court.

When they get out there, TJ frowns. He does not see Cyrus or anyone else from the good hair crew (+friends). As the game comes closer and closer to starting, TJ gets nervous. Cyrus is never late. He starts thinking the worst. What if Cyrus has had enough...maybe being with TJ was too much. He lines up with  
the other starters on the court, waiting for the whistle to blow.

Just before the referee blows his whistle, he sees it. Andi, Buffy, Marty, Jonah, his sister, and of course, Cyrus, walk in carrying a long paper banner. On the front, in fresh paint, said "Go TJ! You Got This!" They sit right in the second row so the sign can be seen nice and clear. Cyrus makes eye contact with TJ and shoots him a smile. Cyrus still has a little bit of paint on his cheek and TJ thinks it is so cute. He is wearing TJ's oversized hoodie. He mouths "Thank you" to his amazing boyfriend. He tries to ignore the dirty looks a few people in the stands give Cyrus...and himself. Cyrus seems to be ignoring them. 

He keeps watching as Cyrus hands his friends megaphones. Cyrus shoots a wink at TJ right before the whistles blows. TJ is off with the ball right away. Some rude kids from thier school make some bad remarks towards him but it does not matter. They are drown out by his incredible boyfriend and his friends chanting "Go TJ!" TJ ends up making the first point of the game.

The rest of the game goes great. With the exception of a few jerks, the whole school is cheering when he scores a point. The game is close but their team ends of winning with TJ making the winning shot. When everyone cheers, for a moment TJ feels like things are normal.

Cyrus and the rest of their friends join the other people on the court congratulating the team. Cyrus, without thinking, throws his arms around TJ and pulls him into a hug. For a split second, he worries that he made a mistake and may have embarrassed TJ, but the moment he feels TJ's arms squeeze back, he knows he made the right choice.

Cyrus whispers into the other boy's ear. "It feels nice to be able to congratulate you on the court in front of the team like a real couple. I'm so proud of you, Teej."

"Thanks Underdog…" TJ whispers back.

It seems like most people are so wrapped up in the celebration, they do not seem to pay attention to the two boys, which is a welcomed first since they were outed. The only people Cyrus notices staring at them over TJ's shoulder is Kira, giving them a dirty look, and Reed, trying to veil some sort of disappointment.

Cyrus brushes their looks aside and focuses on the boy in his arms. He loves this feeling. He pulls away and smiles up at the taller blonde before their friends surround TJ with high fives and taps on the shoulder. 

After a while, people start filing out of the gym. The group decides to go to The Spoon to celebrate so they leave out together, with Cyrus and TJ holding hands. They are the last to leave. Unfortunately, something stops them in the parking lot. Standing next to a car is TJ and Amber's dad. He is the only one in the parking lot. He looks mildly annoyed. TJ knows he can't just pass him. He obviously has been waiting. He quickly releases Cyrus' hand. Cyrus frowns but understands. Cyrus whispers "We all have your back, baby…"

TJ feels a hand on his shoulder. It is Amber. "Yeah we got you." TJ gives a small smile before walking towards the car. His friends are close behind. 

"Hey Dad...did you see my game? We won."

"No. Sorry, I did not. I'm sure it was great.." His dad says in a dismissive voice. He smells like cheap whiskey.

TJ tries to keep his voice upbeat. After everything his dad did, he still wants him to be proud. 'That's okay...maybe next game.*

"Yea, maybe. Look I'm not here to talk about basketball. I'm here to take you home, come on. You too, Amber. Let's go home."

TJ frowns and nods and heads to the passenger side. His dad adds "And I want no more of this... disgusting thing you have been doing. You are going to act like a man if you are going to live under my roof." TJ freezes at his dad's words. All the self hatred and shame that Cyrus has helped him get rid of, flows right back in. 

Cyrus sees the look on TJ's face. Every one looks so angry at his father's words except TJ. He looks like he is barely holding it together. Cyrus is the first to speak. "Mr. Kippen? How about you act like a man?! Real men don't hurt their kid over who they love!" Cyrus doesn't realize how loud he is getting. He can't help it. He can't stand by and watch TJ get hurt. "Any dad would be proud to have TJ as a son. He is the best person I know. He is smart, kind, funny, god there is just so much to love about him. But you don't know anything about love. Because to force him to hide who he is...well that is not love. That is hate!"

TJ's dad yells back at him. "Watch your tone, you...faggot."

The sound of his dad saying that nasty thing to his Cyrus, shifts TJ's attitude. He is no longer some scared kid. "Don't call him that." He says in an eerily calm way. He steps back around the car to stand in front of Cyrus, blocking the shorter boy from his dad.

"Or what? You are Mr. Tough Guy now?" His dad gets close to his face. Amber steps forward but TJ motions her back. "I got this, sissy."

TJ looks at his dad straight in the eyes. "I don't care what you do to me because I have all the strength in the world right here." He reaches back and grabs Cyrus' hand. "But you have no right to call him anything but amazing. Cyrus has shown me how strong he is by just being himself. He helped me see my own strength. He never made me feel bad about struggling and always there to encourage me. And unlike you, he is not a grown man who had to beat up a 14 year old to feel strong."

His dad was get angrier the longer he listened. When TJ finished talking, he swings knocking right into the teenagers nose. He goes down. "That's not how you show your parents respect…"

"Fuck...you.." TJ says on the ground. 

Just as the man goes to swing again, the group of kids hold him back. Amber says "What the hell is wrong with you,dad?"

While the others hold back his dad, Cyrus kneels on the ground next to TJ. "Are you okay?"

"Yea, I think so…" TJ gives a half smile.  
Cyrus uses his sleeve to wipe up the blood coming from TJ's nose. 

A moment later, they hear sirens. Someone called the cops but Cyrus does not know who. TJ's dad is thrown in the back of a cop car, while a paramedic cleans up TJ. After getting some information, they leave with Mr. Kippen in tow.

The group is once again alone in the parking lot. Cyrus asked "What now?"

"I don't know, Underdog." TJ replies, holding Cyrus' hand, their friends stand by their side.

And that was the truth. TJ did not know what comes next. All he knows is that as long as he has Cyrus by his side, he was up for anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to do 2 more chapters but maybe only one if you aren't interested. For sure I want to do a time skip epilogue. But before then, I was thinking a chapter dedicated to Reed's pov of the last two chapters. Let me know what you think. Also sorry for errors. My computer died and I wrote this on my phone.


	6. Reed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the events of the last couple chapters from Reed's POV.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Reed as a character and head cannon him all the time so hope you like it.

Cyrus Goodman was apparently perfect. 

He was kind. 

He always had the right thing to say.

He was funny.

He was that right mix of dorky and adorable with those cute brown eyes and dark hair.

He made good choices.

He was so supportive.

He was all TJ Kippen wanted.

And everything Reed was not.

Reed could be mean.

He always seemed to say something stupid.

His jokes didn't always land.

His eyes weren't dark and his blonde hair too light.

He sometimes did things without thinking.

He could be selfish.

And dumb.

And angry.

Impulsive.

Insecure.

Vindictive.

Jealous.

And everything that drove away his best friend.

************"

Reed didn't know why he did it. He did not know why he went to Kira and he helped her catch TJ and Cyrus on film. But he did...and there is nothing he can do about it. A few moments ago, Kira, sitting on the bench beside him before school, hit send on that mass text. Any moment he knows phones will be going off. To make matters worse, they taped those stupid pictures up on their lockers. He knows they will be humiliated. He thought that's what he wanted. Why does he feel like this then? Why does he feel so guilty?

Maybe it has to do with the fact that up until a few months ago, TJ had been his best friend. Maybe, no matter how hard he tries, he can't hate the person he has been so close to since kindergarten. Or maybe it's the fact that he is a hypocrite. He is outing TJ and Cyrus despite the fact that it would kill him if someone did that to him. 

It is not that he is gay. He definitely likes girls. But he also likes guys, well one guy in particular. So maybe bi? He really doesn't care about the label. He does not know when he started liking TJ but he has for a while. The first time he realized it was in the 6th grade, when they were hanging out in Reed's basement playing video games. He was winning and TJ was being a sore loser. He remembers thinking he looked so cute, pouting. His blonde hair was shorter then and Reed liked how soft it looked. They had been sharing a bowl of chips and their hands touched that day. His heart suddenly had felt like it was going to pound out his chest. But that was way before TJ met Cyrus Goodman.

He knew the moment TJ started talking about that brown haired boy their 7th grade year,he didn't stand a chance. He still remembers TJ coming over the day Buffy told him he had a learning disability at the park. Lester was there and the three of them went to his room to bullshit. TJ was so annoyed with Buffy, but in the middle of venting about her, TJ's eyes lit up when he brought up this kid he just met, Cyrus. He went on about getting this guy a muffin the day before (Reed still doesn't understand why he couldn't get his own.) Then he saw the same kid at the park and he really helped him feel better. TJ had begun to ramble on about how he had this dorky swing song but he kind of liked it. He talked about how smart Cyrus was and kind of cute( but as TJ put it back then "in a totally not gay way.") He apparently had pushed him on the swings and loved hearing the boy laugh. 

It only got worse from the day. He would talk about the latest perfect thing Cyrus had said or did whenever they would hung out. One time it was some pep talk Cyrus gave TJ where had said "There was nothing wrong with him." Reed could of told TJ that. He,for a long time, idealized TJ. He thought he was so cool and just all around amazing. But Reed valued his friendship above his feelings. So he was supportive of TJ's "secret crush." Yea, TJ never came out to him and Lester, but they weren't blind. TJ was not exactly subtle. But he and Lester never made him come out to them. They just sat and listened to him gush over Cyrus.

Then that fateful day at the dirt biking course happened. He was trying his best to be a good wingman for TJ, putting his emotions aside. He even flirted with the boy in hopes it would give TJ confidence to flirt too without the pressure. He could tell the second he saw TJ teaching Cyrus to ride, that TJ's feelings were mutual. Cyrus seemed to hang onto TJ's every word. Reed planned on pointing that out to his friend later that evening.

Then he went and ruined everything. He really does not know why he took his dad's gun. He thought it could be fun to shoot at some watermelon. Cyrus freaked out but TJ did not leave with him...at first. But after Cyrus was out of sight, TJ flipped out on him for bringing a gun and stormed off. The next day a cop was at his house and he and his dad were in trouble. He actually just stopped being grounded over that.

TJ tried talking to him after that. He insisted that he went to the cops out of concern for him. Reed wanted to believe that but he did not feel like that was true. He believed he did it to get closer to Cyrus and Reed told TJ as much the last time they talked, a couple days after the incident. They haven't spoken since. 

But he watched from a distance as his old best friend and Cyrus kept getting closer. Meanwhile, he couldn't stay mad at TJ. His crush wouldn't go away no matter how hard he tried to will it away.

Kira had found out about the two friends falling out before she transferred to the middle school. She figured there must be seen bad blood. She recruited Reed on the basis of revenge against the other boy. Reed didn't really understand why she needed revenge but he went along. He thought it would make him feel better. She had figured out that Cyrus and TJ officially started dating. Reed honestly figured as much. He spent a lot of time watching TJ but no one ever notices. He noticed their change in the past month. Kira knew Reed could help her get proof because she figured Reed knew TJ well enough. 

And he did. He helped her and he got revenge on the little brunette Jewish boy who took the one thing he really wanted. This is what he wanted. But now that it is happening, he regrets it. This is not making him feel better.

When he heads in a few minutes later, his regret worsens. He watches from afar as TJ stands next to his boyfriend, looking like he may shatter into a million pieces staring at his locker. Reed hurries to class so he does not have to see.

************  
Second period comes a long. He is standing outside his second period math class that he has with Cyrus. He is talking with some guys from class when one of them, Brady, points out Cyrus coming up the hallway. Mr. Coleman is nowhere to be found.

"Isn't that the freak that turned your friend gay? We should show him what we think of fags."

The other guys agree. Reed hadn't planned to do anything more to Cyrus but with the other guys staring at him, he couldn't say no. In the pit of his stomach, he feels sick. Part of him wanted to be strong enough to ignore peer pressure like this. He and Kira already did enough damage. But the other part of him was mad at Cyrus for always being so perfect. For being the one who stole TJ's heart. He knows it is not rational to be mad but he has never been one for being level headed.

He puts on his cockiest voice. "Hey Cy…"

He sees Cyrus flinch a little but remain quiet as he tries to pass Reed and the other boys. Reed doesn't know why he does what he does next. It is probably because it's easier for him to lash out rather than deal with his feelings. He grabs Cyrus' arm hard enough to leave a bruise. He sneers. "I was talking to you. I knew you were a fag...but dumb too?"

When Cyrus still doesn't respond, Reed releases him with a push, causing Cyrus to fall. The boys surround the brunette on the floor. Reed continues "You are going to regret ever turning TJ into one of you guys…" 

Okay that was a stupid thing to say. He knows damn well that TJ has always been gay. TJ never officially told him or Lester but they could tell by little things, like that time in the first grade when he went on about "how cute" the new boy was. He knew TJ was gay before TJ even knew.

~~~~~Flash Back~~~~~~  
He and TJ were seven years old. They were at TJ's old apartment. Back then, he and Amber shared a bedroom. She had just turned nine. They were having fun. Amber had turned on some "girly" pop music and they were having a dance party. They were just being kids. But that day, Reed got to see what TJ' dad was really like.

His dad came up to their bedroom doorway. His voice was cruel as he spoke. "TJ Kippen, what the fuck do you think you are doing?" Reed, thinking back, still could not believe someone would talk like this to a small child.

"Nothing. " His little voice had squeaked out, seizing to dance.

"Only little girls dance to shit like this. Are you a little girl?!"

"No, sir." TJ sounded so afraid. 

Amber was brave though. She stood up and slammed the door on their dad's face and locked it before he could say more. He pounded on it for a minute before walking away.

TJ was trying not to cry. He looked at Reed. "Am I a girl, buddy?"

"No, that's stupid. I wouldn't hang out with you if you were. Girls have cooties." Reed sticks his tongue out at Amber.

"What if I...I like things girls have?"

"Like what?" Amber interjects.

"Like having a boyfriend…can boys have boyfriends?

"Yea, of course. If you ever want a boyfriend, I'll be your boyfriend. Aaannnd I will protect you from all the mean people." Reed gave a cheesy grin.

TJ laughed. "Thanks Reed."

The next day at school, it was like he totally forgot their conversation. TJ had come in with bruises on his arms. TJ didn't talk about it. He just said his dad signed him up for baseball. Sports toughen boys up he insisted.  
~~~~~~~~  
From that day on, TJ became meaner at school. He put on a tough kid persona. TJ began building a wall that day that even Reed sometimes could not get through. But somehow that little brown eyes dork managed to tear that entire wall down. When he met Cyrus, he became less angry and protected. Reed wishes he would of had that effect in TJ. Tj probably doesn't even remember telling Reed he wants a boyfriend and that Reed offered. Stupid Cyrus Goodman just swept in and charmed the hell out TJ and now they are dating and Reed never felt more alone.

Cyrus broke him of his thoughts by finally responding. "That's the dumbest thing I have ever heard. You can't turn someone gay. Trust me TJ was "one of us" way before me. "In fact, I thought you may be "one of us" by the way you were acting when we went dirt biking. You were flirting with me the moment I walked up. But it is not me you are into is it? You wanted another boy that was there. You wanted to make him jealous, didn't you?"

Reed was trying to not let his face give away his embarrassment. How did Cyrus know? He focuses on looking angry. "Shut. Up. Goodman."

"Or what? You are going to hurt me again. Do it. I don't care. You know why? Because I have TJ and you never will."

That phrase really hurt. Without thinking, he swings his foot and makes contact with Cyrus' stomach."I said shut up, faggot." He leaves Cyrus on the ground.

He makes his way into the classroom and sits at his desk. A moment later he sees Cyrus walk in. Reed feels his body fill with regret. He shouldn't have done that to Cyrus. He is becoming a homophobic asshole to cover up his own insecurities. It's always been the easiest to lash out in anger instead of dealing with stuff. Cyrus just happened to be his latest victim, mostly out of jealousy.

The rest of the day, he goes out of his way to avoid TJ and Cyrus. He doesn't want to make this worse. How could he be so stupid? Instead of having the courage to try and make up with TJ and rebuild their friendship, he went along with Kira's dumb plan. He really ruined any chance of fixing everything this time.

************  
When he got home that night, his guilt got the better of him. He skipped dinner that evening and just spent the night in his room. He texted Lester for a bit but couldn't really stop thinking about what he did. On top of that, it didn't cross his mind how TJ's dad might react until he was thinking about that day when they were 7. He felt 10x worse now. He wanted to check up on him.

He thought about calling TJ. He decided against it. He knew either two things would happen. Either A) TJ ignored him completely or B) TJ would tell him off or threaten to kick his ass after what he did to Cyrus.

He could not blame him. TJ was fiercely protective of people he loves, and he definitely loves Cyrus. Anyone with eyes could see that. His protectiveness is one of the things that made Reed like TJ. 

Then it hits him. TJ loved him, even if it is was platonically. That's why he reacted the way he did about the gun thing. It wasn't just to get closer to Cyrus. TJ was telling the truth. Reed was now more ashamed about everything he has done.

He knows what he has to do. He has to talk to TJ, at least apologize. He does not really expect to be forgiven but he wants to take steps to at least try to make things right. He knows the basketball team has a game tomorrow so he knows they will have morning practice. He could talk to him then. 

Reed does not sleep well that night. He is up all night thinking about what he will say to TJ. The more he thinks about it, the more he realizes he'll probably have to apologise to Cyrus too. He has no idea what to say to either of them. It used to be so easy talking to TJ., now it felt like he was going to be talking to a stranger.

He is up and out of bed very early. He wants to be down by the school before practice. He wanted to catch TJ before the other players get there. He knows TJ gets there first because he is captain and needs to help get stuff ready. 

He gets to the school and can sees TJ through the crack in the gym door. The basketball player does not see him. He was just about to open the door, when he notices the bruises on his arms and face. His heart drops. He has one guess who did those. 

He feels worse than ever. He is the one who made that happen. He is the reason that TJ looks like it was the worse abuse yet. He no longer feels like he can talk to him.

So he does what cowards do. He waits until the other players get there and they all go to the locker room. When the gym is empty, he slips in and hides under the bleachers. He watches as they come back out. He finds himself staring at TJ most of the practice. Partly it was because he still thought TJ was great to look at, but the other part was him trying to work up the courage to talk to the athlete. He looks sad. Honestly Reed is sad. He doesn't want to feel jealous over what Cyrus has, but he can't help it.

Like it was fate, Reed's thoughts were once again interrupted by none other than Cyrus. "Reed?"

The taller blonde is surprised and jumps a little. He looks caught off guard. Reed notices that Cyrus is wearing TJ's hoodie. A tinge of jealousy shoots through his chest. He feels bad about it though. This poor kid did not deserve what he was going through even if Reed was jealous. Reed knows he looks guilty as he unconvincingly puts on a tough voice. 'What do you want, Goodman?"

"I just came to see if you are okay. You looked like something is bothering you and I'm here if you wanna talk... about anything. Your feelings are totally normal."

"Just leave me alone, okay? I won't bother you anymore or tease you, just pretend you never saw me here." Reed does not think he can talk about this right now. He slips past Cyrus and quietly out the door.

As he walks out of the gym, he cannot help but linger near the outside of the gym door to listen to the rest of practice. The last couple of days, he has felt more messed up than usual. Any other day, he would of just walked away but he stayed today. No one can see him of course.

He listens to the end of practice. He listens as the players go to the locker rooms. Then he hears Cyrus' voice. 

"Got your clothes. Amber was running late for something at her school. She told me to tell you she loves you. Oh, and so do I."

Why did Cyrus have to give TJ his clothes? Did he not go home last night? Did it have to do with those bruises? His mind raced through the possibilities. He hopes those bruises are not because of who he thought it was.

Then Reed hears what was supposed to be a whisper but the two other boys were close enough for him to hear. "You look so good in that hoodie. I don't even know if I will be able to concentrate on the game with you looking like that." It was TJ's voice. He can tell the two boys must be close together now.

He can hear Cyrus' breathe catch in his throat and he can tell the boy must be blushing.'Thanks, my not-so-scary basketball guy." Reed suddenly feels really weird standing there listening. Not to mention, it was making him more jealous. He knows he will not be able to get over this stupid crush until he at least talks to TJ. But not right now. Right now, he hurriedly falls into the crowds in the hallways heading to classes so he can get away from the awkward conversation that was not for him. 

****************  
That afternoon, after school, Reed decided to go to the game. It was the first time he went to one in a while but today he felt like he should. He sits on the top bleacher in the far corner as to not draw attention to himself. Lester offered to come as moral support but Reed knew Lester had plans with his new girlfriend, Libby, and he did not want to ruin that for him.

He tries to nonchalantly eye TJ on the court as he and his teammates waited for the game to start. He noticed TJ keeps looking up at the stands, probably searching for Cyrus. Reed had noted that the shorter boy was missing. He hates to admit it but part of him was a little happy about that. He reminds himself to stop thinking like this.

But then he sees it. Right before the whistle, Cyrus and his friends walk in with a giant banner that said "Go TJ! You Got This!" They had megaphones to cheer. Cyrus was the picture of support. And here Reed was, hiding in the corner of the bleachers. As he thought, Cyrus was the perfect boyfriend and he was trash.

The rest of the game went by in a blur. He vaguely remembers making eye contact with Cyrus when Cyrus went down to congratulate TJ on his win. He hopes he did not look too disappointed. What he does remember is slipping out to wait for his older brother to pick him up. He gets a call that his brother had a flat and he will not be able to grab him so he has to walk. Reed ditz in the parking lot for a shilet.The lot empties out except this one car. A man steps out.

It's Mr. Kippen. Fuck.

Reed steps behind some bushes and watches. He has a bad feeling about this. He sees TJ and his new friends step out through the door. He sees the moment TJ's heart drops as he sees his dad. He lets go of Cyrus' hand. He sees Cyrus and Amber whisper stuff to TJ. He can't hear a word, he is too far away.

TJ steps closer to his dad. They exchange a few words. TJ drops his head and makes his way to the other side of the car. Then Mr. Kippen says something else. TJ freezes. Everyone looks pissed accept TJ. He looks like that 7 year old kid again trying not to cry. Then he sees Cyrus start to speak. He can hear Cyrus though because he is shouting.

"Mr. Kippen? How about you act like a man?! Real men don't hurt their kid over who they love! Any dad would be proud to have TJ as a son. He is the best person I know. He is smart, kind, funny, god there is just so much to love about him. But you don't know anything about love. Because to force him to hide who he is...well that is not love. That is hate!"

Suddenly Reed's whole opinion on Cyrus changes. This boy is perfect for TJ. He is what his best...old best friend deserves.

Cyrus' shouting leads to more shouting. His dad yells "Watch your tone, you...faggot." Reed cringes. This is what he sounded like yesterday when he bullied Cyrus. He feels terrible. Then he sees TJ step between his dad and his boyfriend. TJ is quiet and calm so he cannot hear him. But he must of said something to strike a nerve. His dad swings, knocking him to the ground. His friends step in to hold his dad back as Reed watches Cyrus kneel next to TJ to check on him.

Reed knows he has to do something. He pulls out his phone and calls 911. He waits as the cops and the ambulance pull up. He watches as TJ's dad is hauled off and the medics clean up TJ. After a bit, only the friends are left in the parking lot.

Reed is suddenly filled with courage. All of them were so brave tonight confronting TJ's dad. This was the least he could do. He quietly walks up behind the group. In a voice that sounds so unsure, almost alien to even himself, he whispers "Are you alright?"

Everyone turns around at once, taking their attention away from the now distant cop cars. Everyone look's turn to anger when they see who spoke, and for good reason he guesses. The only exception is Cyrus. Cyrus gives him a small, kind smile. He can't believe the boy who he has been nothing but bad to is being the most supportive. He watches as Cyrus turns his head and squeezes TJ's hand softly to get the taller boy to look at him. The rest of the kids continue to shoot daggers with their eyes 

Reed focuses on the little interaction going on between TJ and Cyrus. Cyrus mouths something that Reed can't make out. TJ scrunches up his face slightly at what Cyrus apparently said but Cyrus just nods in response to that. TJ then turns his head to look back at his friends. He says "Hey, can Reed and I have a moment alone." They all reluctantly agree. Buffy says "We'll be at The Spoon, okay?" TJ nods. Cyrus goes to leave too, but TJ grabs his hand. "You stay, okay?"

"Are you sure?" Cyrus says looking across at Reed.

Before TJ could answer, Reed meets Cyrus' eyes. "Please stay." Reed knows this will go better with the brunette there. Cyrus nods.

When the others are gone, Cyrus leads TJ closer to Reed. He looks up at Reed while squeezing TJ's hand, nodding at the boy to start talking. Reed whispers "I don't quite know where to start…"

TJ cuts him off, in a harsh voice. "You can start by apologizing to Cyrus for what you did yesterday. He could of seriously been hurt! How could you lay a hand on him?!" Reed is once again amazed by TJ's protectiveness.

Cyrus interjects, "It is fine, Teej. I'm over it...I promise it is okay."

"No, he is right, Cyrus, I really messed up. I don't know why I did what I did to you in the hallway. " Reed drops his eyes, to Cyrus' arm, knowing under the basketball hoodie is a bruise. "I don't know why I did a lot of what I did. I mean I do...but I can't tell you." He says, moving his eyes up to meet TJ's. TJ's face was still contorted with anger. He looks back down.

"What do you mean you can't tell me?"

Reed doesn't know if he can do this anymore. He looks up momentarily. TJ's face is angry but Cyrus' looks almost sympathetic. Cyrus speaks up. "Teej…" Cyrus shoots his eyes towards Reed to get silent permission to continue. Reed knows Cyrus knows, and he also knows that he will never have the guts to say what he wants to admit out loud. Part of him is relieved to at least have Cyrus start the conversation. Reed nods once at Cyrus to continue.

"Teej, remember how scared you were a month a go at the park...when...well the night we told each other our feelings."

"Yeah…" TJ says quietly. "What does that have to do with now…"

Cyrus laughs softly. "You are so oblivious sometimes...I think you and Reed need to talk alone, okay? I'll be right over there. " He points to a bench near the school. "I'll be waiting. " He gives a small smile at both TJ and Reed before walking off.

Alone with TJ, Reed is nervous. TJ is looking at him to talk. The athlete has his arms crossed and if looks could kill, Reed would be a goner. Reed takes a deep breath and starts. "Um...I seen what happened with your old man back there. I called the cops, I hope that was okay. I'm so sorry man...I should of never helped Kira out you. I wish your dad was better...you deserve everything. A better dad, better friends too. Which I mean I see you have now…"

'If you are talking about Andi, Buffy, Jonah, and Marty, then yeah, I have pretty great friends." TJ says, trying to keep his anger at bay.

"Well I'm glad you are okay…"

"I am." 

Reed tries to not let his disappointment show. He knew this cold shoulder treatment was what he deserved. "Well listen , I never wanted it to get this way. Everything kind of spiralled. I know I made stupid choices. I know a few months ago when you turned me in for the gun, you did it because you like cared. And I did not want to believe it. I convinced myself that you only did it to get closer to Cyrus. I was jealous…"

"Jealous? Of what? Do you like Cyrus?" TJ's expression softened suddenly. He was starting to put together his ex-friend's action weren't just done out of malice. Reed was hurting. 

Reed shook his head no. His face is bright red. He has to get it out now or never. "I liked...like you. Don't get me wrong, Cyrus is perfect for you...and I am so glad you have someone like that. It's just, we have been friends for so much of our lives. You were my best friend. And then a few years ago I started getting really like confusing fucking feelings. But I pushed them aside when I figured out how much you like Cyrus. I knew eventually you would find a boy you were romantically into but I still wasn't ready when it happened. " 

TJ gives him a confused look because he does not remember ever coming out to him  
"You knew I was gay?" 

"Maybe not gay, but I knew you liked guys...you told me as much when you were 7. Remember, we had that dance party and I offered to be your boyfriend if you wanted one and protect you? It looks like I did not hold up the protect you part. I'm sorry. I became one of the bad people in your life." Reed feels a clump in his throat. " Anyways, you didn't have to tell me. I could tell by the way you acted. You weren't the most discreet person. But your crushes would come and go, so they never really mattered. Half the time I didn't even think you knew you had a crush. But Cyrus came along. I could tell he was different. You really cared for him and the moment I met him, I knew he cares for you. So like I said, I put any romantic feelings of my own aside."

TJ stops him. "Reed...I didn't know you were gay. I mean I don't mean to assume but are you?"

"No. I mean I don't think so. Like I am into a lot of girls, but I guess I'm into guys too. I mean I've only have had a crush on one guy...so I don't really know. I don't think I care for the label to be honest. That's not the point, TJ."

"What is the point?"

'It's that I'm so so sorry for what I did. I feel horrible. I don't want to be like your dad. I'm not homophobic...I'm just an idiot. I was just so jealous that not only was Cyrus dating you but also that you did not want me in your life anymore."

TJ frowns. "Now you're the oblivious one, man. I have never not wanted you in my life. I have been worried about since our fight. And I do love you, you know that?" A few months ago, TJ would of felt to embarrassed to say that to a guy friend, but he is no longer worried about if he is "manly enough." 

Reed quietly says "Really?"

"Yeah really, dummy." TK laughs. "I know it may not be the same kind of love I feel for Cyrus, but you are so important to me. I am sorry I can't return your feelings, but maybe ...maybe we can working on being friends again?"

Reed's mouth forms a little smile. "Yea...I'd like that…" Reed says simply. The two boys stand in a comfortable silence for a while before Cyrus walks back up to them. "To The Spoon?"

Both boys nod. Reed knows he and TJ have a lot to work through to get back to where they were but tonight was the first step. For the first time in months, Reed feels genuinely happy. 

TJ is happy too. He loves Cyrus' friends, but he misses the hell out of Reed and Lester. It will be nice to have a few more allies on their side at school too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PAN!Reed is my favorite


	7. Be Mine Forever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue set 10 years later. Light mention of alcoholism.

It's about 2pm when Cyrus gets home from work. He usually works the morning shift at The Spoon. It is not exactly where he saw himself at 24, but he is happy. A little over a year and a half ago he graduated the state college(he got into an ivy league but didn't go because he did not want to be away from TJ) with a bachelor's in medical science (i.e pre-med.) Originally he was going to follow his parents footsteps and become a psychiatrist. He took and passed his MCAT but in the midst of his first semester in med school, he realized he did not want that. So he dropped out. He can help people without an MD. What he really wanted was to write and direct.

His parents weren't so happy about it but they supported him. His friends even thought he was crazy not choosing the career guaranteeing him a comfortable life. Buffy (who was at this point working on her Master's in math education) even said "You can write when you are a doctor." But of course they ended up supporting him too. The person though who never once questioned his decision was TJ. TJ was sitting on their beat up, hand-me-down loveseat in their tiny one bedroom apartment when Cyrus had come through the door and announced he quit school. He was obviously anxious to tell him. TJ simply took his hand and pulled him onto the couch. "Okay, Cy. As long as you are happy." That was it. TJ was 100% behind whatever Cyrus wanted.

So that's why he his here, working 45 hours a week as a line cook at The Spoon. It has its benefits; all you can eat baby tators. Plus since he works early mornings (4:30 am until 1:30 pm), the rest of the day is his to put towards making his dream come true. When he got home today, he knew TJ would not be home. TJ works at the garage down the street. He does not usually get off until 6. So it does not surprise him that the house is empty. What does surprise him was a rose and a letter sitting on the counter. 

He smiles as he picks up the letter. In what he can tell was TJ's best handwriting, the front of the envelope said "Cyrus Goodman." He opened it up and began to read.

************  
Underdog,

I've never been as eloquent of a speaker as you. You always know the right thing to say at the right time to make everyone around you feel happy. That is one of the things I admire about you. I wanted to give you some long beautiful speech to tell you how I feel about you but I was nervous about messing up. 

Isn't that wild? I've known you for 11 years and we have been dating for 10 of those years and you still give me butterflies. You were my first(and only) for so many things, and you still can turn me to putty. Remember our first kiss? We were in the park next to the basketball court and I had really messed up on costume day. I was convinced you hated me and I was desperately trying to win back my best friend...my only friend at that time. Somehow though, I got more than that. I got the boy of my dreams and my very first kiss. Is it kind of silly that I was a little jealous I wasn't your first kiss? I can't believe you kissed a girl. :P 

It is okay though, I was your first for a lot of other things. Remember the summer after 10th grade? We would steal your stepmom's cheap wine and just hang out. You were so cute getting tipsy after one glass of that gross box wine. We tried a lot of things that summer. It was awkward and uncoordinated and cringy teenage love. Neither of us knew what we were doing. But it was still love and I am glad it was you that I did those things with. Actually I'm glad its always has been and always will be with you. 

But that's not all of our relationship is. I love all the good things we do together and all the happy times. But it is the hard times we spent together that made me really understand what love is. You were there for me when my dad was arrested. You were there when my mom divorced him and took me and Amber to live with my grandma. You were there when I messed up my ankle in the first game of our senior year, and I found out I could not play the rest of the season. It was such a big deal back then to me.

You stuck around when you decided to go to college and I decided it wasn't for me. You never made me feel bad for it. Remember your freshman year? I practically lived in your dorm. In pretty sure your roommate hated me.

That's why we ended up getting that shitty little studio apartment together. That first year was rough. You were in class all the time and working part time and I was working all the time just to afford that place. I started to drink to pass the hours when you weren't around. It wasn't a problem...until it was.

Do you remember the big fight? I do, everyday. I had been at work all day and I came home and started drinking. You came home from class. I don't remember how it started but I do remember the shouting. I was screaming and then you were screaming back. I still can see your face. It was contorted with anger and pity. Plates were broken, and my stupid ass put a hold in the wall. Then your face showed something else, fear. That was the day I realized I inherited some bad traits from my dad. That was the day I realized that he wasn't the only person who should not drink. Looking at my bruised knuckle from punching through the drywall and then looking up at your face, I had that realization that I may be like him. I broke down in tears. I never wanted to be the person that could make you look like that. It killed me. But instead of storming off, you threw your arms around me and told me it was going to be okay. I was terrified to lose you. You should of been so angry at me but all you were worried about was helping me. And you did. You were there during that entire rough year. You never gave up on me. So I made a promise to never drink again. You are worth more to me than a few fleeting moments of fun from booze. 

Now here we are, almost four years later in a slightly bigger shitty apartment. But now I have zero doubts about whether we will make it. We made it work, we grew and adjusted, and the happiest part of my day is coming home to you every evening.

Cyrus, I have some more things I want to talk about but not in this letter. Will you come to the old swing set at 6? I'll meet you there.

Always with Love,  
TJ

********  
Cyrus played with the rose in his hand. He can't help but smile. TJ could be so sweet sometimes. Cyrus feels TJ doesn't realize how much he does for Cyrus too. TJ works hard everyday to support them. The garage pays better than the diner. Besides that, TJ supports whatever Cyrus wants to do without question.

Plus he could not be prouder of the man that TJ grew to be. He knows his boyfriend hasn't always had it easy. But everytime he saw that boy fall down, he has seen him get back and be even stronger. He loves the letter but hopes TJ knows that he is as grateful for him as TJ seems to be for Cyrus.

Cyrus is a little confused about the swing set. They haven't been there is years mainly because it is a bit weird for two grown men to play on the swings at a public park. But he was curious about what TJ had in mind.

He spent the afternoon pondering what TJ could be up to. He adores the little surprises TJ sets up for him sometimes. To this day, he finds himself thinking about their first date at the museum. TJ surprised him that day too and he loved it.

At about a quarter til 6, he starts walking to the playground. When he arrives, he can't help break out a big cheesy smile. His boyfriend was sitting on his swing in a nice button down and his only good pair of pants (ones he does not work on cars in.) His blonde hair falls over his forehead. He has flowers in one hand with his other hand wrapped around the chain of the swing. He looks up from the ground and smiles at the smaller man approaching. Cyrus takes a seat next to TJ.

"Hey Teej…" Cyrus smiles as he turns head to meet TJ's eyes. For the first time in a while Cyrus notices the blonde turning a Paul shade of pink.

"Hi baby…how was your day?"

"Well I got this cute letter from my boyfriend and a rose. He told me to meet him at the swings so he could talk to me though, so…" Cyrus smiles at TJ.

"Yes, um I do have a lot to talk about but um… here." He clumsily shoves the bouquet of flowers he is holding into Cyrus hands but almost drops them in the process. Cyrus catches them before they hit the ground.

"Sorry, I'm just nervous…" TJ laughs anxiously.

"What do you have to be nervous about? It's only us, my not-so-scary basketball guy." Cyrus hasn't called him that in years but being back at the swings brings back some cute memories.

TJ manages to blush even harder. "Cy, you know I love you more than anything in the world, right?"

"Yes, of course." Cyrus says apprehensively. TJ has him nervous now. "And you know I love you, too. I don't know what I would do without you."

"I think I'm the one that should be saying that. I've told you before. You are the sun to my moon. I only shine because of the light you cast on me."

"Teej…" Cyrus goes to interrupt, not wanting TJ to doubt his own self worth.

"Please let me finish, love. I want to get this all out. It is important to me." TJ says softly. Cyrus nods in response. "Anyhow, you could literally choose anyone in the entire world to shine your light on, to focus your energy on and you chose me. And every single day, I thank the universe for putting you in my life." Cyrus is smiling like he is the luckiest guy on Earth. He is the one that feels thankful. He listens as TJ continues.

"Cyrus, I have not always deserved your light but somehow, you have never given up on me. " TJ bites in his bottom lip. He looks nervous to continue.

Cyrus notices. "What is it baby? You're scaring me."

TJ half laughs. "I'm scaring myself, honestly. I didn't know if I would actually be brave enough to do this. I've loved you since I was 14 years old and for some reason, you loved me too. But for a long time, I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, for you to realize that you made a terrible mistake, and leave me behind. Because we both know you deserved better. But then it never happened. More amazingly with every ounce of love you put in me, it chipped away at each and every wall inside of me, until I started loving myself a little more each day. I started to feel like I deserve to be happy. So part of me being happy is doing everything possible to hold onto what we have and never let go. This just felt like the perfect place to do that."

TJ stands up and moves to position himself in front of Cyrus, who is still sitting on the swing. He grabs the other man's hand and pulls him up and over to the nearby grass. He reached into his pocket and pulls out a little box before dropping to one knee and clearing his throat. Cyrus covers his mouth with both hands. He is shock as TJ continues. "Cyrus Goodman, will you marry me?"

Cyrus can barely get the word yes out before pulling TJ up into his arms, planting a kiss on him as his arm wrap over the taller man's shoulders. Through the excitement, TJ pulls his face away and smiles. "So that's a yes?"

"Yes, yes, a thousand times yes." He says before pulling TJ back to him, alternating between kisses and hugs. Cyrus could not believe this was real. This is the happiest day of his life. He couldn't wait to tell all of their friends that they were getting married. But more importantly, he could not wait to spend the rest of his life with the "scary" basketball guy who stole his heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for Reading


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